99 Problems: Wendy Williams Suggests Not Sexting In Your Forties

Wendy has advice for everything, from co-habitation to how to deal with sleeping with famous people. Think of this as your very own “Ask Wendy” segment. posted on

A new season of The Wendy Williams Show starts this week with national syndication. The show’s airing from a bigger, swankier, and pink-er studio set — in high definition, not that Wendy’s worried about that. Expect more celebrity guests, panel discussions, a greater focus on viewer interaction, and more time spent on the show’s most popular segments like “Hot Topics” and, hopefully, more “Ask Wendy.” And what do you know? Asking Wendy is exactly what we’re doing right now — with a handful of perplexing questions readers sent in from all over. Keep reading for Wendy’s advice on spa days, angry dogs, and boyfriends.

And if you want to ask a question for BuzzFeed Shift’s next famous advice columnist, write us at advice@buzzfeed.com.

I’m 43 years old and giving the dating scene another try after getting divorced this time last year. Should I be sexting my current 29 year-old maybe-boyfriend? We have been on 4 dates now and his messages are getting a bit salacious.

No sexting! None at all. I’m 48 years old, so I consider you my peer. It is my belief that young guys want to date us older ladies because they want something different. If a 29 year-old wants to sext, he’d be with some other 29 year-old — he’s with you for other reasons. And I don’t mean boring reasons, we are not boring, let me tell you. We are juicy, we are delicious, we are fun in our forties! Boys know it. And boys like it.

So I would not leave a paper trail — or a sext message trail. Listen, in our forties we are way too smart and we have way too much to lose to be playing reindeer games with some child. You don’t need to sext to prove anything to this boy, he’s not with you for that. He’s with you because you’re smart and you’re secure. Too secure to be questioning yourself over this sort of thing, really.

My ex-boyfriend and I broke up, amicably, last year when I moved away to grad school. We haven’t really talked much since, because I think we both knew our relationship had run its course, but he has kept in touch with my family — my parents love him, and were probably sadder than either of us when we split.

This is where it gets weird — he’s just started dating my younger sister, who’s moved back home after finishing college herself. My folks seem fine with this, I think it’s creepy. Who’s right, and what can I do about it?

I am just floored by this letter! You know what, there is no way; there is no reasonable explanation for your sister to be dating your ex-boyfriend. And here’s another thing, there should be no reason for your parents to stay such good friends with your ex either. To me, they are breaking the family code. I mean, I know they’ve only just started dating, but if things go well, they fall in love, they get married — it means you’ve slept with your sister’s husband down the line. That’s not ok, you know what I’m saying?

I don’t like any of this. What to do about this? I hate to say this because it might well be too late already, but you need to have a family meeting and tell your sister to cut it out with this boy — she’s young, she’s new back in town, she’ll bounce back! And tell your parents to cut the relationship with him too. This is crazy.

I’m a straight girl, my brother is a gay guy. My parents have known this for a while, and been fine with it — at least outwardly. We recently both flew home with our respective boyfriends to join the rest of our big, extended family for our grandmother’s 95th birthday. My parents introduced my brother’s bf to everyone as “a friend,” whereas obviously my boyfriend got the proper mention. I don’t think they meant it maliciously, but I could tell it bothered my brother a lot. Is this something I should address, or stay firmly out of until I’m asked?

You know, this is a hard one. We think now that everyone is so accepting, as they should be, but this is a big family function with older generations — and that’s not always the easiest place to be open, or even open-minded.

But you know what, our parents try their best to to be modern people. It’s up to us kids (I include myself because my parents are still alive) to help bring them into modern life. Whether it’s that we share our cobalt nail polish with our mothers — I know I do — or we change our fathers’ prescription glasses to sharp new Raybans frames, or we share with them how to deal with homosexuality. So, absolutely, go to your parents and share those concerns. Then help them deal with any concerns they have in turn — this could be a great opportunity for you to become their sounding board. You know what I’m saying — this is so simple for us but it’s probably not for them. Parents need someone to tell them how to act in situations like this.

Every year for our anniversary, my husband treats me to a weekend break at a “luxury” spa. How can I now tell him the spa he chooses is really terrible, when I’ve gone for the past four years without mentioning its flaws?

First of all, I can’t believe this is an issue you’re having with your husband. Your husband should be someone, of all people, that you could raise something like this with. It’s not a hurtful comment, or message to pass along. But I do understand the issue of timing, and maybe you should have been more upfront about the bad massages from the start.

So, when you get the voucher or the tickets this year, just say, you know, “I want to switch it up this time. I’ve done some research online and heard from some friends that this other place is great.” It doesn’t have to be an issue of you criticizing his taste. Let him know you still love being pampered, but that you want to try some new treatment somewhere — and name-drop. Make sure it’s a well-thought out charade, because your husband is probably even more scared at the thought of picking a spa to begin with. He’ll love you just telling him what’s best.

This is not something I’m hugely proud of, but I recently hooked up with a pretty famous male actor — and, importantly, a pretty famous married male actor. I have emails and photos to prove it… and a tabloid has offered me a lot of money for the juicy details. (I had no plans to do this before meeting the guy.) I don’t want to be that girl — and I don’t particularly want to mess with his reputation either, but I have loans to pay. Would selling my story be acceptable under any circumstances?

Do not sell the story under any circumstances. We all know that the things you read in magazines now, especially tabloids, aren’t always true anyway. They’re fun stories, but they’re not always true. Morally speaking, ask yourself, how would you feel about this? I think part of the reason you’re asking for advice is because you know the answer already. There’ll be another way for you to clear your debts — it might not be as quick a fix, but it’ll be cleaner. (I know I just mentioned morals, so let’s quickly throw it out there: where were this guy’s morals? He’s not getting off easy in my book either. If he’s cheated with you, he’s probably cheated with other people too.)

It’s a delicious story to tell your friend over cocktails… but that’s all. Ok, maybe in fifty, sixty years time make sure you’re telling it to all your grandkids too. But that’s really all; certainly don’t tell the media about it all… apart from me. You could tell me.

(This is not the Nacho in question, because who could hate a dog this cute?)

My boyfriend and I are thinking very seriously about moving in together. I’m really excited, and feel like we’re definitely ready for the commitment it entails… but there’s one problem: I hate his dog — and I’m pretty sure the dog hates me right back. (For what it’s worth, I think the dog hated me first.) He’s had the pet just about as long as we’ve been dating — even though he and his current roommate kind of “share” Nacho (yes, the dog is named Nacho). Is it ok for me to ask him to leave his pet behind — and how should I react if he says no?

Before making any big ultimatums, spend some more time with Nacho! Get to know the dog, without your boyfriend around — take him for a walk, let him sit next to you on the couch, throw him a bone. Then, ok, if you’re still sure he doesn’t like you, ask your boyfriend if the dog can stay with his old roommate. Make it clear he can still visit — they got the dog to share, after all — but that Nacho isn’t going to be a part of your new apartment full-time.

I don’t have any animals, personally, but I know how dog people are about their pets, so you can’t really ask him to get rid of the animal if you don’t want it to become an issue. But why not offer to get a new dog as a couple. You can help pick the new pet out, to make sure you’re all compatible — but the one thing I would say about that is that you can’t get the dog “together” because you’re not married yet, you’re only just moving in together. Getting a dog is like having a child together; and when relationships go sour it’s a mess. You see that with what RPattz and KStew are going through. They’re fighting over the custody of a dog. It’s insane to me!

How do you deal with a friend who can’t handle sharing the spotlight whenever we’re out and about? One of my closest girlfriends insists on being the center of attention at ALL times — often at my expense. Do I have to end up dancing on tables with her to keep up?

Let me tell you, I have a friend like this. I think we all have a friend like this. Honest to God, my friend is loud, my friend uses her feminine wiles — she has to be the center of attention, and it’s nauseating, but she’s a very nice girl! Here’s how I handle it: I don’t hang out with her with other people too. She doesn’t know that’s the way I’ve rigged it, but it is.

Do you have a question for our fabulous advice columnists? Send early and often to advice@buzzfeed.com.

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