2012shift

38 Fun Things Kate Middleton Got To Do In 2012

A royal retrospective: babies, bangs, big hats, and, um, those unfortunate naked photos.

Kate Middleton’s first full year as a royal proved to be a very busy one — and that’s only counting her public engagements, not all the behind-closed-palace-doors Illuminati initiation rites she undoubtedly had to endure. (Why else would she have changed her hair, for example? Spoiler: photos coming up.)

There were lots of mundane princess duties to endure — hugging babies, accepting cheap bouquets, opening hospitals/schools/theaters/doors, and making pointless small talk with foreign dignitaries or, worse, children who, in the good old days of the British monarchy at least, would have been lucky to scrub Buckingham’s kitchen floors. Fortunately, though, there were new and exciting opportunities too. 2012 saw Kate’s patriotism run riot at the Olympics, her best dance moves showcased on her tour of Polynesia, and her otherwise unfortunate morning sickness confirm the United Kingdom’s future ruler. Here, a roundup of her highs and lows:

1. She got to pet a large dog.

2. She got to wear a traditional Polynesian hat that made her look a little bit Amish.

3. She got to rappel in a Malaysian jungle.

Will’s bulge, it’s happening.

4. She got to dance wearing a grass skirt.

5. More dancing, because.

6. She got pregnant.

And so yes, the United Kingdom’s future monarch can likely trace his/her conception back to a night of passion (understandably) following the above dance moves.

7. She got to pass gas in public.

We’ve all been there, and we’ve all given it away with a scrunched browline.

8. She got to RSVP “no thanks” to all sister Pippa’s book-launch parties.

So much for that celebration.

9. She got to make lewd jokes about coconuts.

You can tell she’s being saucy from William’s expression. (The Polynesian guy is just like, “haha, can’t understand those accents at all.”)

10. She got to wear big hats.

11. She got to wear small hats.

12. She got to ride in ceremonial carriages.

13. And more carriages, because taxis are gauche.

14. She got to look at a big paper dragon, which is nice.

15. She got to practice her royal wave.

16. She got to play hockey with Team Great Britain.

The press don’t call her “jolly hockey sticks” for no reason, you see.

17. And she got to play hockey in heels too.

Also, she’s PREGNANT here.

18. She got bangs.

(Here, giving side-eye because some impertinent pauper is singing “She Bangs” to her right.)

19. She got to catch a train with the queen.

But she didn’t get to buy any snacks because all the food on British public transport is extortionately expensive.

20. She got to watch a student fashion show — and didn’t laugh.

Whispers Kate softly, as if speaking to a vestige of her past, “You’ll need to be showing more skin than that if you’re going to land yourself a prince.”

21. She got to sample the food at fancy London food store Fortnum & Mason.

22. She got to do the wave (lots).

23. She got to be adorably enthusiastic at the Olympics.

How lovely.

24. And adorably outraged at the Olympics.

25. And adorably worried at the Olympics.

26. And even more adorably worried at the Olympics.

“I’m not actually worried at all I just want you all to look at my great honking engagement ring.”

27. And then she got adorably enthusiastic at the Paralympics too.

28. She got to go canoeing, without needing to do any of the work.

That being the royal way.

29. She got to go to hospital with acute morning sickness.

OK, this one might not have been that fun.

30. She got to spoil some commoners’ chess game.

“Queen to D6, checkmate.”

31. She got to wear a very modest headscarf.

That’s one way to deal with trashy European tabloids splashing your nipples on their front covers.

32. She got to ogle potentially naked footballers in a Jacuzzi.

33. She got people to carry her.

34. She got to wear frameless hipster-glasses safety goggles.

35. She got to drink water instead of wine.

BECAUSE SHE’S PREGNANT.

36. She got to play Ping-Pong (badly).

37. She got to poke a child with a stick.

38. She got to ride in a ski lift.

By far the best part of a ski trip — it’s always downhill from there.

39. And finally, um, well, she got naked.

Not on purpose or anything, but yeah. That was sad. Personally I only bought this issue of People to read the news about RPattz and KStew.

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