1. You cannot understand why anyone would go to a crushingly overcrowded bar. On purpose.
That does not make sense.
2. What’s that sound that’s in every song now? That dubstep thing? Yeah, you can’t handle that.
3. Waiting in an infinity-long line for food is not happening.
You stick with your favorite spot, “Any Place Without a Line.”
5. Any concert that doesn’t involve seats is basically torture.
“My back hurts and I’m tired and you’re all really sweaty and I’m going home now.”
6. We don’t even need to discuss festivals.
10. Theme parties are cause for immediate eye roll.
Can I just come to your party? Do I have to buy a fedora? sigh
12. Moving an entire apartment of heavy junk is off the table.
That’s why telephone poles invented Man With Van flyers.
13. You’re done with team building, retreats, trust falls, icebreakers.
Too old. For this shit.