1. I probably should put my phone away.
2. I nearly just walked right into that guy.
3. But to be fair, he was texting-while-walking so...
4. I should say sorry though.
5. "Sorry."
6. He didn't hear me.
7. He's too far away.
8. Does anyone see me right now? Like actually see me. Notice me.
9. I see them.
10. I'm noticing them.
11. Like that couple jogging.
12. Or that woman laughing on her phone.
13. It's nice being a part of the crowd for a little bit. Large crowds. Where no one knows you so you don't have to know them.
14. You can safely hide, but you can also watch. Observe.
15. And not a lot people are observing.
16. They're talking.
17. Or listening.
18. But people don't look at each other in passing anymore, do they?
19. Shit. Someone just looked at me looking at them.
20. Head down.
21. I'm almost at work.
20. I should take these headphones off.
22. Sometimes, they can be such a crutch.
23. Too much of a crutch. Like I'm actively aware of how I'm using them as a barrier.
24. And walking without your headphones on is nice.
25. Noise — actual noise from other humans — can be beautiful.
26. Like the rickety clicking of bikes or the rustling of the tree leaves.
27. Am I missing something? Am I missing out on something?
28. No one is in the elevator.
29. Someone just came in.
30. This awkward silence...
31. I'm just going to tap my phone like I'm texting.
32. Someone else came in.
33. I'm saved.
34. I think I work with her though?
35. I should probably say "Hi" just in case.
36. They're talking now.
37. And I look like the weird silent person standing in the corner.
38. I totally should have said "Hi."
39. Too late.
40. This is my floor.
41. Walk as fast as you can out of that elevator.
42. Some of my co-workers are already here.
43. Do I say "Good morning" to everyone?
44. It's super quiet this morning.
45. I know I don't talk loud enough.
46. So they'll all turn and wonder who made that mumbled squeak.
47. And I'd rather not be the center of attention this early.
48. They look busy too.
49. I'll just quietly walk to my desk and hope no one notices.
50. Someone noticed.
51. Just go to your desk.
52. Headphones on.
53. I think I'm going to each lunch outside today.
54. Which means the elevator again.
55. But it's better at lunch. More people in there.
56. It's easier to be quiet in the noise.
57. Should I ask anyone if they want to come before I leave?
58. They all still look busy.
59. If someone randomly walks out with me, I'll ask. I swear.
60. Otherwise, let's do this solo. Again.
61. It's warmer outside than before.
62. Everyone's on their phones or talking.
63. I've already finished my lunch.
64. I guess I'll just look at my phone for a while.
65. Headphones on or off?
66. On.
67. I'm only going to be here for a couple more minutes.
68. It's 5 p.m.
69. Leave as you came. Unnoticed.
70. Empty elevator. Finally.
71. Everyone always looks way happier at the end of the day.
72. Probably because they're going somewhere or meeting someone.
73. All I want to do is go home.
74. All I ever want to do is go home and relax by myself.
75. Is that bad?
76. Wanting to go home and relax by myself?
77. Always wanting to do that?
78. Being the same? Consistent?
79. Finally home.
80. I'm tired and hungry.
81. Let's do something about that last one.
82. My roommates aren't home.
83. I can tell because it's quiet.
84. Like when I left this morning.
85. This is absolute bliss.
86. Quiet rooms.
87. Quiet house.
88. Only my noise.
89. I wonder what people say about me.
90. Sometimes I wish I could just ask someone what they said about me when I wasn't there.
91. Not in a bad or incriminating way, but in general.
92. Like how would someone talk about me as if I was to talk about them right now?
93. I could never actually ask someone that.
94. But I wish they'd tell me.
95. I fear that they think I'm lonely.
96. When I'm actually just alone right now. By choice.
97. Am I missing out?
98. No.
99. Not really.
100. I mean, kind of.
101. But who isn't?
102. I am. They are. We are.
103. So no. I'm not missing out on anything.
104. Not really.
105. Not at all.