Who Murdered Clive Palmer's T-Rex?

Police are searching for whoever torched Clive Palmer's life-size dinosaur overnight. Here are five key suspects:

In the criminal justice system, crimes against dinosaurs are considered especially heinous.

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In Coolum, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Dino Unit. These are their stories.

The victim: Jeff the Dinosaur

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10 metres tall. Olive green male Tyrannosaurus Rex. Lived out at Palmer Coolum Resort since December 2012. Now look at him.

Jesus Christ. Burnt to a crisp.

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Fire guts Jeff the dinosaur at Clive Palmer's Coolum resort. http://t.co/6dhiD8GO4j

10:40 PM - 02 Mar 2015

More like T-Wrecked. Police arrived at the scene at 1:30am. Palmer's people are saying it's an electrical fault. Plenty of people had it in for Clive Palmer though. Shame they had to take it out an innocent reptile like this.

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1. Prime Minister Tony Abbott

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2. Former Palmer United Senator Jacqui Lambie

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3. Former Queensland Premier Campbell Newman

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4. All of China

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5. An Asteroid

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Goddammit. I promised myself I wouldn't cry.

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Whoever did it, let's hope detectives Stablerodon and Bensonosaurus can find the perp and put them away for a long time.