15 Babysitting Truths

Whether it’s your first, second or third job, babysitting is hands-down the best way to earn way more cash than you deserve. Unless it’s for an awful child. Or worse: a family with no cable and bad snacks.

1. When a parent asks for your rate, you’re like “$1,000,000 an hour, but like whatever you’re comfortable with…”

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2. And then the parents feel like:

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3. When the parents leave, you immediately flip on ‘Yo Gabba Gabba!’ then beeline to check out the food situation.

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4. What? There’s no television?

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5. WAIT, SERIOUSLY? NO TV? Fine. To the pantry! You have just a little, unnoticable bit of everything. Mu-wa-ha-ha-ha

6. Judge away, baby; the binge-snacking is our secret until you can speak.

7. Eventually you’ll learn portion control on the job. Maybe.

8. STOP! DO NOT SNAPCHAT THAT BABY. IT IS NOT YOURS.

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9. Then the kids transform from cute angels to sugar-buzzed alien monsters and you think ‘my children will never act like thi—alright, where’s the ibeuprofen?’

10. Eventually, you find yourself bartering with children. “Two bedtime stories? Fine, three. Three stories, but you have to go right now.”

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11. But then your patience is gone. Business time.

12. And then the kids are sleeping. This is the life. Ahh, tax-free bliss.

13. When parents offer you extra cab money as you leave, you’re like ‘gee, thanks so much!’ Then you take the subway anyway. Hooray!

14. Then you think ‘hmm maybe I’ll meet friends out, where I’ll sigh about how tired I am—as if I just came from a real job…’

15. But most of all, you’re left wondering: Is there or is there not a nanny cam?

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