2. 6:03 a.m.
Groom: Asleep because he has all day to get into that uncomfortable tux.
Bride: Wakes up at the crack of dawn because she knows shit is about to get real.
3. 6:37 a.m.
Groom: Not going to wake up anytime soon.
Bride: Time to bathe, shave, and relax only to get super stressed again.
4. 7:05 a.m.
Groom: Probably dreaming about taking long walks on the beach when they go on their honeymoon.
Bride: Off to the beauty parlor so she can look like Kim Kardashian in Paris.
5. 7:31 a.m.
Groom: It’s not 9 a.m. yet so he is dead to the world.
6. 8:12 a.m.
Groom: Wakes up with absolutely no worries.
Bride: Chips a nail while getting her manicure. She takes it as a bad omen and begins to worry about anything and everything.
7. 8:30 a.m.
Groom: Contemplates his last few hours as a single free man.
Bride: Begins to see herself in the mirror and realizes the wedding of her dreams is coming true. It’s like a Disney princess movie.
8. 9:08 a.m.
Groom: Restroom break.
Bride: She listens to wedding horror stories from other ladies at the salon that have gotten married more than once. She automatically begins to doubt her groom.
9. 9:29 a.m.
Groom: Back in bed surfing the web for the latest sports scores.
Bride: She hates the way they styled her hair and demands a redo.
10. 10:04 a.m.
Groom: Eats cereal because he’s just too lazy to cook this morning and would probably burn down the house.
Bride: Eats a yogurt because she know’s she has to fit in her dress but still needs to eat something.
11. 10:36 a.m.
Groom: Works out because he still has an eternity until the wedding.
Bride: Calls her friends because she is nervous and needs moral support.
12. 11:20 a.m.
Groom: Watches an episode of Family Guy.
Bride: Begins her contouring process. Everyone needs to see those perfect cheekbones.
13. 11:50 a.m.
Groom: Invites friends over to play video games and drink some beers.
Bride: The moment of truth has arrived. She begins fitting her dress.
14. 12:37 p.m.
Man: Takes a long relaxing shower.
Woman: Turns into bridezilla because everyone and their mothers are stressing her out with pointless questions.
16. 1:10 p.m.
Groom: Gets ready in 15 minutes.
Bride: Deals with a migraine.
17. 1:25 p.m.
Groom: Decides to have a whole steak for lunch because it’s his big day too.
Bride: Has a huge dilemma on what to eat because all she had was an Activia.
18. 2:00 p.m.
Groom: Gets his shirt stained.
Bride: Needs some refitting and pinning after going for the over stuffed burrito.
19. 2:29 p.m.
Groom: Completely ruins his shirt with additional stains.
Bride: Breaks down because her bouquet isn’t ready.
20. 3:01 p.m.
Groom: Stops by the store on his way to the wedding to simply buy another white shirt.
Bride: Yells at her wedding planner for not having all the center pieces ready at reception and at the chef who doesn’t have all the hors d’oeuvres ready.
21. 3:15 p.m.
Groom: Shows up early to the church. Thinks about going to the bar and grabbing a beer.
Bride: Freaks out about Amy—her maid of honor—who is having food poisoning and is probably not going to the wedding.
22. 4:00 p.m. Wedding Time!
Groom: He looks handsome and fretless—because everything went smoothly in his day.
Bride: She looks beautiful and flawless—like nothing ever happened despite all the things that went wrong in her day.