11 Things College Students Are Sick Of Hearing On The First Day Of Class

There’s free food in the student union, make this syllabus overview quick.

1. “Attendance will be taken every day.”

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2. Or better yet: “Attendance will not count towards your final grade, but you won’t do well unless you’re present everyday.”

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I disagree, sir.

3. “The textbook is required.”

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mhmmmm yeah I bet it is.

4. “Your final grade will consist of two exams and a 15-20 page research paper.”

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That’s dumb.

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5. “If you’re more than five minutes late, you’re counted absent.”

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You ARE aware that my previous class was across campus, right?

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6. “Say your name, year, major, and one interesting fact about yourself.”

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I honestly don’t care what your names are.

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7. “No food or drink allowed in the classroom.”

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8. “Turn your cell phones off.”

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“BYE, FELICIA”

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9. “Being on Facebook during lecture is rude to me and those students around you who actually want to learn.”

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Don’t act like this isn’t a required course. Technically none of us want to learn this.

10. “Even though the online assignments are automatically graded for completion, the T.A. will go through to make sure it was done correctly.”

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Oh, that T.A.? The one that drunkenly bought shots for everyone at the bar and asked for my number last Wednesday?

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11. “You aren’t gonna pass this course by cramming last minute.”

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Ahhh, but I will pass by cramming last minute hopped up on espresso while memorizing the notes I bought from your old student.

**Ain’t got no worries**

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