A Scottish Football Reporter Covered A Tedious Game In The Most Delightful Way Imaginable

What do you do when you have to write up an incredibly dull goalless draw between Morton and Airdrie? This.

The Herald sent Callum Baird to Cappielow to cover a very dull game. This is what he came back with.

Scott Reid @scottreid1980

Proving popular: what do you do when a game gives you nothing to write about? http://t.co/sVe0LMJrqs #airdrie #morton

03:36 PM - 03 Nov 2014

That intro in full:

Back in the sixth century BC, when Babylonia fell, the Persian Empire rose from its ashes and toga-wearing Greek philosophers first started to look quizzically at tortoises, the Chinese sage Lao Tzu delicately laid down the first few brushstrokes of the Tao Te Ching, the text that would go on to become the bedrock of Taoism.

Lao Tzu had faith in the duality of the universe. "When people see some things as beautiful, other things become ugly," he declared. Yin and yang. Each thing must, by its very nature, have an opposite.


So perhaps that in order to have that mouthwatering Old Firm derby drawn out of the hat on Saturday evening we first had to sit through this: 90 minutes of the most tedious, excruciating football imaginable.

Continues here.

It then describes what sounds like the most tedious game of football of all time, before concluding...

Martyn McLaughlin @MartynMcL

That Morton v Airdrie match report from Callum Baird also has a killer pay off:

02:27 PM - 03 Nov 2014

Here's a liveblog of the action, if you're at a loose end.