Who cares if people don’t take you seriously? You’re the life of the goddamn party and you don’t care who knows it. You’ve been injecting fun into takeout menus and doctor’s offices since before your haters were born, and you’ll be there when they’re gone.
Times New Roman
You’re a classic — a constant, reliable, secretly sexy classic. (Just look at those serifs!) Anyone who thinks they can turn in a term paper or a resumé that doesn’t feature you is fooling themselves, and you’ll be laughing all the way to the bank.
Daaaaamn baby. You’re a study in contrasts — noticeable because of your unnoticeability, skinny but curvy, the supreme overlord of any room without having to say a word. This is your year — no, your millennium — and the rest of the world is just watching you.
(Also once there was a documentary about you and it probably got a bunch of nerds laid.)
You’ve had something of a tough life, buddy. You used to be everywhere, in all your not-a-typewriter-not-yet-a-laptop glory, until you were cruelly pushed aside by the “more readable” Times New Roman (ugh w/e). But you’re strong, and individual, and you’ve managed to rise above and claim your place in the world.
Pardon me, kind sir, for I knew not that I was in the presence of such a noble lord as thou when inscribing this lowly internet quiz. Here, let me help thee into thine chair, and please accept mine peasant head as payment for having ever inconvenienced thee.
You crazy kid. You batshit, beautiful, crazy-ass kid.
A super twee handwriting font that nobody’s handwriting actually resembles
Q: How many mason jars is too many?
A: Shut up or I’ll knit you to death.
You’re sheer magic.
You’re sleek as hell and a total individual. You know everything about everything, and if you don’t, you can just fake it. You know that million-dollar idea you had last week when you were drunk? Go for it, champ.