1. Wow, what an adorable magazine spread/Pinterest pin/twee-as-hell girl on the street!
2. So lovely yet effortlessly chic. I wish my life could look like that.
3. MAYBE IT WILL ONCE I GET BACK FROM ~ ANTHROPOLOGIE ~.
4. God, even the outside is prettier than any room in my house.
5. How did they manage to get an entire upcycled barn into this mall?
6. And those window displays! Who knew you could make a ball gown out of half-charred love letters from World War II?
7. OK, I’m going in.
8. Damn, it smells great in here.
9. Yes, hello to you too, Zooey Deschanel-lookin’ sales angel from heaven.
10. Why do you look so good in peplum.
11. How do I even know what peplum means.
12. No, I don’t need your help, I’m just browsing.
13. Ooh, this dress is so cute!
14. It’s like my favorite T-shirt, only a bunch longer.
15. Imagine the life I could have in a dress like this.
16. Waking up with the sun, strolling down to the beach, writing in a weathered, well-loved notebook until my carpenter boyfriend sneaks up behind me with a latte and a passionate kiss.
17. It’s $268?!? Nvm.
18. This tank top has to be cheaper. It’s, like, literally just a tank top.
19. $168. Cool.
20. Ugh, but I can’t even pretend to resist this dress over here. It was MADE for me.
21. I should definitely try it on first.
22. So I might as well grab 12 other things to try on with it!
23. Can’t forget to stop by the sale section.
24. Man, my arms hurt.
25. Oh, hello there, Sienna-Miller-meets-Miranda-July-in-a-wrap-dress.
26. You want to take my stuff to a dressing room? OMG you were sent unto me by the lord.
27. No, that’s not my name, I think you misheard me.
28. Nope, still not right.
29. That’s not really anyone’s name.
30. You seriously don’t understand what I’m saying? It’s not THAT weird of a name.
31. OK, whatever, just write “Pam.”
32. Time to hit up the sales. Why do they hide it all the way back here?
33. And why is it so insanely crowded?
34. OW that bitch just elbowed me to get the last size 6 striped maxi dress.
35. Whatever, it’s covered in weird ruffles.
36. Actually, so is everything back here.
37. Even that teacup has a ruffle.
38. WAIT NO those pants are PERFECT.
39. OUT OF MY WAY, PEONS.
40. All’s fair in love and sale racks, amirite?
41. I belong in jail.
42. They’re not ~ exactly ~ my size, but I’ll make it work.
43. All right, time to go try this stuff on.
44. There are so many candles back here.
45. It’s like a seance for a kindly ghost.
46. I thiiiiink that’s my dressing room? If you squint at the name written on the little heart-shaped chalkboard and try to pronounce it phonetically?
47. Yep, that’s definitely my wall of clothes.
48. Don’t even wanna think about how much this all costs.
49. I’ll start with something simple.
50. Wait, why does this top have puffed sleeves AND buttons shaped like teeny ducklings?
51. How did I not notice that out in the store?
52. Whatever, this skirt seems normal.
53. FUCK IT’S NOT A SKIRT IT’S A GODDAMN APRON.
54. WHO PAYS 68 AMERICAN DOLLARS FOR AN APRON.
55. WHO ARE THOSE PEOPLE. WHO HURT THEM.
56. OK, calm down.
57. You don’t have to try on the other stuff if it makes you mad.
58. Just breathe in the smell of sandalwood and listen to the generic lady-centric world music.
59. I have to try on the dress, no matter what.
60. Just gotta zip it up.
61. Just gotta snap that snap.
62. Just gotta button up 32 hidden buttons.
63. Just gotta tie this little tie thingy.
65. Damn, I look cute.
66. Like the hot teacher in a one-room schoolhouse.
67. It’s not REALLY my style, but it could be!
68. I could build my whole life around this dress.
69. Just gotta hustle back into my boring, basic clothes and find the items that will help me start anew.
70. Hello, pastel latte bowls!
71. Nice to meet you, statement necklace shaped like a bug!
72. Come to mama, racist candlestick.
73. Everything is going to be wonderful. I’ll move to my own garret, maybe somewhere in the Vermont countryside or just on the outskirts of Paris, and I’ll sleep on a bed covered in colorful pillows and frilly duvets and every cat will love me.
74. Wait a sec.
75. How much is this all going to cost?
76. If I carry the one…and don’t pay rent for two months…
77. Maybe three?
78. Ugh, I’m already at the front of the line. I should just ditch everything and bounce.
79. BUT THAT DRESS.
80. It’s practically winking at me, beckoning me, begging me to take it home.
82. I just won’t buy any clothes for the rest of the season.
83. Or food.
84. Here, Natalie-Portman-in-Garden State, take my credit card and don’t even tell me how much it is.
85. Gotta get out of here before they ensnare me even more.
86. Damn, it really does smell amazing. They should bottle and sell that.
87. Oh, it’s a candle? And it costs $45? Rad.