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22 Things Anthropologie Tchotchkes Are Really Thinking

They’re all so twee, so pricey, so not putting up with this crap anymore.

1. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”

2. “Could someone please let us down?”

3. “No matter how cute I look, you’re still never gonna actually read me.”

“Especially while Matthew Macfadyen has life and breath.”

5. “I feel as empty inside as a birdcage with no bird.”

“Oh, shit, I am that.”

6. “If you eat us, you’ll die.”

7. “Mother, tell me of the forest. Does it, too, smell like organic ginger-and-sea-salt room spray?”

“Yes, child. Of course it does.”

8. “You’re late.”

9. “I swear to God I’m swallowing the next bored dude who falls asleep on me.”

“HURRY UP IN THE DRESSING ROOM, LADY, NOBODY NEEDS THAT MUCH PEPLUM.”

10. “Hey, little lady, come over here; I’m a FUN GUY!”

“Hahahhahahahahaa *dies*”

11. “Seriously, fuck off.”

12. “Yo, logs deserve chairs too.”

13. “This is so undignified.”

14. “I would pay actual money to watch you try and remove a book from this shelf.”

15. “HA! Amateur.”

16. “Yeah, we wish we were dresses, too.”

“But sadly we’re cursed to be aprons forevermore.”

17. “Lol, poor people.”

18. “Maybe if we’re reeeeeally quiet, nobody will notice us up here.”

19. “It’s cool, I have a lot of black friends.”

“Also I cost $400.”

(Remember this little number?)

20. “Move it along, people, nothing to see here.”

“Just some indoor mushrooms on some average everyday stacked fireplaces.”

21. “Okay, you caught us, we are absolutely just $16 popsicle sticks.”

22. “Your life will never, ever, EVER look this good.”

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