10. Rose Art Crayons
Like smashing a candle repeatedly against some paper, hoping in vain for a hint of color to appear. Plus they were maybe a dollar cheaper than Crayolas so NOT EVEN WORTH IT.
9. Crappy Purple Glue Sticks
Wait sorry, you thought this was supposed to make one thing adhere to another? Can’t give you that, but it *will* deposit smelly purple streaks all over everything you once held dear.
8. Plastic-Coated Safety Scissors
Trying to cut something with these was like being a toothless old man gumming a piece of Wonder Bread.
For all the kids at summer camp who didn’t want to do archery or woodworking or (GOD FORBID) swimming and just wanted to be left alone in the shade. A constant physical reminder of failure and isolation.
6. Fuse Beads
It’s a pleasant enough concept, until they sit under the iron for literally one second too long and the whole house is filled with plasticky, acrid smoke. RIP your dog :(
5. Potholder Looms
It’s all fun and games until you realize that YOU DON’T NEED ANY MORE GODDAMN POTHOLDERS BECAUSE YOU ARE SEVEN. Also when you scratch yourself on one of those surprisingly sharp metal teeth.
4. Paper Plates
“But Alanna!” you cry. “Paper plates aren’t craft supplies at all! They’re for picnics and uncomfortable corporate buffets!”
RIGHT YOU ARE. Paper plates are NOT craft supplies and that’s why your stomach would always fall when it was time to make something in kindergarten and all you had before you were some dried-out markers and a couple of these sad excuses for canvases.
Same goes for pasta. Put it in your face, not around your neck.
2. Teeny Watercolors
So adorable! So weensy! So incredibly bad at depositing pigment that you may as well have made a painting for a ghost!!!
1. Sand Art Bottles
Like going to the beach on acid. Except you didn’t go to the beach, you went to your weird cousin’s fifth birthday party, and her friends took all the good colors so you were stuck with, like, orange and green, and then when you got in your mom’s car after the party the whole thing broke open and spilled everywhere and your mom still brings it up sometimes when she’s reminding you why you’re single.