17 Terrible Ways To Propose To Someone

If you’re about to spend the rest of your life with somebody, it probably shouldn’t begin with a ring that’s passed through your digestive tract.

1. With an e-card.

“Honey, I love you so much that the only way I can express it is with these words written by someone else. Also I’m too busy to see you IRL, ever.”

ID: 904026

2. With an iPhone case.

“Schnookums, may your smartphone never shatter, just like my passion for you.”

ID: 904103

3. With some rocks.

“Look at it this way, sweetie-muffin: if we ever get divorced you can always toss these through the windshield of my Dodge Caravan.”

ID: 904090

4. With tattoos.

“I’m so sure you’ll accept my proposal, mon amour, that I’m willing to run the risk of your saying no and me painfully remembering every time I make a gesture.”

ID: 903460

“At least this tattoo is harder for me to see.”

ID: 903502

5. By faking your own death.

“You make my heart beat so fast that in return, I’d like to give you a heart attack.”

ID: 903778

6. With a packet of hot sauce.

“Baby, you know you’re hot, I know you’re hot, and now everyone in this Taco Bell knows it too.”

ID: 903434

7. With pizza.

“I know, it was tacky of me not to spring for pepperoni. But come on, Pooh-Bear, it’s not payday until Wednesday!”

ID: 903445

8. With a s’more.

“All I’ve ever wanted is to give you the Heimlich as you choke on a gooey 2-carat diamond.”

ID: 903597

9. With a digested ring.

(In 2007, a guy in England stole a platinum engagement ring for his girlfriend by swallowing it at a jewelry store. Police waited for three days for the ring to, in the words of the article, “emerge.”)

“I mean, I guess I could have bought one of those lame blue boxes, but I thought my own small intestine was way more romantic.”

ID: 903533

10. Maybe we should just leave food out entirely.

” :( “

ID: 903705

11. With emoji.

“I love you exactly eleven hearts.”

ID: 903466

12. On Facebook.

“Because I think that weird kid I went to high school with and never once spoken to has just as much a right to observe this intimate moment as you do, banana-bean.”

ID: 903877

13. On Twitter.

(Deadmau5 proposed to Kat Von D this way in December.)

ID: 903949

This is the tweet (which, for the record, worked).

I can’t wait for Christmas so…. Katherine Von Drachenberg, will you marry me? @thekatvond…

— deadmau5 (@deadmau5) December 16, 2012

“If I spent more than 140 characters on this shit, sugarpie, we wouldn’t be young and beautiful anymore.”

ID: 903958

14. To Siri.

“I know you don’t want me, Siri, but your tinny voice and wry demeanor drive me wild with desire.”

ID: 903695

15. With a shower curtain.

“So you’ll remember our inseparable bond every time you pumice your heels.”

ID: 903566

16. With a nug instead of a ring.


ID: 903442

17. On the open water.

(This Michigan man had the romantic idea of proposing to his girlfriend on a canoe trip, which went horribly awry when they got stranded miles from shore and had to call 911.)

“Babydoll, I know you’re seasick, but just know that my feelings for you burn brighter than these emergency flares that we just ran out of.”

She said yes, by the way.

ID: 903731

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