17 Terrible Ways To Propose To Someone
If you’re about to spend the rest of your life with somebody, it probably shouldn’t begin with a ring that’s passed through your digestive tract.
1. With an e-card.
“Honey, I love you so much that the only way I can express it is with these words written by someone else. Also I’m too busy to see you IRL, ever.”
2. With an iPhone case.
“Schnookums, may your smartphone never shatter, just like my passion for you.”
3. With some rocks.
“Look at it this way, sweetie-muffin: if we ever get divorced you can always toss these through the windshield of my Dodge Caravan.”
4. With tattoos.
“I’m so sure you’ll accept my proposal, mon amour, that I’m willing to run the risk of your saying no and me painfully remembering every time I make a gesture.”
5. By faking your own death.
“You make my heart beat so fast that in return, I’d like to give you a heart attack.”
6. With a packet of hot sauce.
“Baby, you know you’re hot, I know you’re hot, and now everyone in this Taco Bell knows it too.”
7. With pizza.
“I know, it was tacky of me not to spring for pepperoni. But come on, Pooh-Bear, it’s not payday until Wednesday!”
8. With a s’more.
“All I’ve ever wanted is to give you the Heimlich as you choke on a gooey 2-carat diamond.”
9. With a digested ring.
(In 2007, a guy in England stole a platinum engagement ring for his girlfriend by swallowing it at a jewelry store. Police waited for three days for the ring to, in the words of the article, “emerge.”)
“I mean, I guess I could have bought one of those lame blue boxes, but I thought my own small intestine was way more romantic.”
12. On Facebook.
“Because I think that weird kid I went to high school with and never once spoken to has just as much a right to observe this intimate moment as you do, banana-bean.”
This is the tweet (which, for the record, worked).
I can’t wait for Christmas so…. Katherine Von Drachenberg, will you marry me? @thekatvond twitter.com/deadmau5/statu…
— deadmau5 (@deadmau5) December 16, 2012
“If I spent more than 140 characters on this shit, sugarpie, we wouldn’t be young and beautiful anymore.”
14. To Siri.
“I know you don’t want me, Siri, but your tinny voice and wry demeanor drive me wild with desire.”
15. With a shower curtain.
“So you’ll remember our inseparable bond every time you pumice your heels.”
17. On the open water.
(This Michigan man had the romantic idea of proposing to his girlfriend on a canoe trip, which went horribly awry when they got stranded miles from shore and had to call 911.)
“Babydoll, I know you’re seasick, but just know that my feelings for you burn brighter than these emergency flares that we just ran out of.”
She said yes, by the way.
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kingmonkey 2 months agoMine was the old-fashioned way: I proposed on the beach, under the moon, in the Dominican Republic, after an argument over whether our relationship was headed anywhere or not. Thanks for spoiling my surprise, honey.
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kristino3 2 months agoMine was in his truck, with a ring… doesn’t sound so bad… but he didn’t actually say the words. There was no question. Just a ring. When he didn’t say anything (I was bawling, but hey- I’m a crier) I held out both hands so that I didn’t assume it was “that kind of a ring”. It was incredible awkward. We broke up 6 months later. (I’m pretty sure he just wanted to get married before his dad died, which was less than a year afterwards)
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Purpleburner 2 months agoSeriously…public proposals just gross me out a little bit. I mean, if you’re surrounded by friends and family, then cool. But if you’re just out in public with a big audience of strangers…creepy.
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amjensen410 2 months ago
The food court one looked faked. #11 is a messy divorce waiting to happen.
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italysprincess 2 months ago
Who really proposes in a mall food court?! So dumb! But that pizza looks amazing.
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