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17 Nicolas Cage-Inspired Items You Deserve To Own

HAPPY 50TH BIRTHDAY, NEVER EVER CHANGE.

2. This piece of embroidery.

Inspired by the deep and abiding genius of our very own Jen Lewis. Get it here or just give the seller your money and send it to the BuzzFeed office, plz & thx.

4. This delightful card.

Get it here.

6. This Mona Lisa-mashup iPhone case.

Get it here.

7. This “Mrs. Nicolas Cage” bag.

It’s legally binding.

8. This depiction of Nicolas Cage as Krampus.

Be very very good, boys and girls.

9. This pillow.

Rest your weary head.

11. This break-resistant wine glass.

Available here.

12. This Satanic t-shirt.

WORSHIP.

13. And this holy one.

Get it here.

14. This resin face mask.

From the description: “Choose White, Antique Gold, or Silver finish to match your collection or compliment any decor.” That’s right, ANY DECOR.

15. These life-giving nail decals.

Your hands will thank you.

16. This painting of pugs*.

*Pugs that are Nicolas Cage.

17. This photograph from the 1860s of a man who the seller claims is a vampiric/undead Nicolas Cage himself and which is being sold for $250,000.

I mean I guess idk.

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