How To Figure Out If He’s Boyfriend Material

Cuddly, snuggly, never-let-him-go boyfriend material.

1. Hold his hand.

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While he is blissfully unaware, try to detect any callouses, bumps, or roughness in his skin’s surface. The smoother, the better, when it comes to boyfriend material.

2. Spoon him.

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How’s the fit? Bigger than you, but not so much bigger it’s unflattering? Good. More importantly, does he keep you warm at night? Heat retention is everything.

3. Make sure your boyfriend is farm-raised, locally sourced, or at the very least organic.

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You owe it to yourself, and to him, not to get one from the mills.

4. Check to see what he’s made of.

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Synthetic boyfriends aren’t very comfortable and can feel cheap, but higher-maintenance natural ones can require too much effort. Try to find a good balance (and remember that flame-resistent is always best).

5. Run your fingers through his hair.

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Is the hair greasy, laden down with years of product buildup? Is it sweaty, from hard labor or the gym or probably just sheer unshowered laziness? Of course all preference is personal, but true boyfriend material tends to be feathery, like the down of a baby bird, or in some cases a little thicket of angelic curls.

6. Ask yourself: Does he have a steady job?

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Jobs mean money, and money means luxurious skin creams and healthy diets. Remember, some men are born boyfriend material, while others become so after years of effort and concentration. It can take decades to professionally age and develop boyfriend material, so try to be patient.

7. Does he have an unusually high number of female friends?

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If so, watch out: They might be onto him as a valuable source of boyfriend material. Do not let them harvest it all first.

8. How does he compare to other potential boyfriend material, like, say, these?

 

You can buy them at places like Nancy’s Notions or Jo-Ann Fabrics, by the yard, but store-bought is no match for the real DIY thing.

9. And then comes the biggest question of all: Does he have what it takes to be husband material?

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All the benefits of boyfriend material, plus he’s never leaving. Never.

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