24 Ideas For Throwing The Perfect Anti-Valentine’s Day Party

If you think Feb. 14 is the absolute worst, you’re not alone.

1. First, send out your invitations.

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Ceci n’est pas une Valentine. Available here.

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Available here.

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4. Decorate accordingly.

Buy this blood-spattered heart garland here.

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Available here.

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This is a painting of a cat that has just killed Cupid so all art can stop now. Buy it here.

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There’s no better way to vent ire than by smashing something repeatedly with a bat.

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8. Set the mood with a candle.

This candle smells like BETRAYAL and HEARTBREAK*. Available here.

*actually orange and hydrangea.

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9. And by playing this gem of an album.

It’s available on Amazon and iTunes and contains such cathartic hits as “Every Rose Has It’s Thorn” (sic).

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10. Serve cookies inspired by conversation hearts.

Except, you know, the exact opposite.

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11. Make your point with cupcakes.

By Mom and Pops. Also re: “make a point,” sorry about that.

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12. Make Stupid Cupid cocktails.

Featuring all the gin and bitters you could ever want. Recipe here.

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13. Have your guests participate in some soothing arts and crafts.

Embroidery sampler here.

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Make your own voodoo dolls. Directions here.

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These earrings are made from tampons so you can ruin everyone else’s Valentine’s Day too. Directions here.

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16. Play the Mustache Game with this cinematic masterpiece.

Never heard of the Mustache Game? You’re welcome.

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17. Paint manicures with “Valentine, Schmalentine.”

Polish available here.

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18. Or venture into true nail art territory.

Take your inspiration from Polish Me Pink.

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Use shatter polish to make broken hearts. Directions here.

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A more positive spin from Emily’s Nail Files.

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21. Send your guests off with appropriate party favors.

Like this anatomically correct heart pin, to remind everyone what hearts are REALLY for. Available here.

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I can’t imagine a situation that calls for broken-heart-themed nipple pasties, but I’m sure you can. Available here.

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Who better to remind everyone about the futility of love and Valentine’s Day’s rampant, manipulative commercialism than Grumpy Cat? Buy the plushie here.

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Everyone, even the most hard-line cynics, could use a reminder. Available here.

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