4. Decorate accordingly.
Buy this blood-spattered heart garland here.
This is a painting of a cat that has just killed Cupid so all art can stop now. Buy it here.
There’s no better way to vent ire than by smashing something repeatedly with a bat.
8. Set the mood with a candle.
This candle smells like BETRAYAL and HEARTBREAK*. Available here.
*actually orange and hydrangea.
9. And by playing this gem of an album.
It’s available on Amazon and iTunes and contains such cathartic hits as “Every Rose Has It’s Thorn” (sic).
10. Serve cookies inspired by conversation hearts.
Except, you know, the exact opposite.
11. Make your point with cupcakes.
By Mom and Pops. Also re: “make a point,” sorry about that.
12. Make Stupid Cupid cocktails.
Featuring all the gin and bitters you could ever want. Recipe here.
13. Have your guests participate in some soothing arts and crafts.
Embroidery sampler here.
These earrings are made from tampons so you can ruin everyone else’s Valentine’s Day too. Directions here.
16. Play the Mustache Game with this cinematic masterpiece.
Never heard of the Mustache Game? You’re welcome.
17. Paint manicures with “Valentine, Schmalentine.”
Polish available here.
18. Or venture into true nail art territory.
Take your inspiration from Polish Me Pink.
Use shatter polish to make broken hearts. Directions here.
A more positive spin from Emily’s Nail Files.
21. Send your guests off with appropriate party favors.
Like this anatomically correct heart pin, to remind everyone what hearts are REALLY for. Available here.
I can’t imagine a situation that calls for broken-heart-themed nipple pasties, but I’m sure you can. Available here.
Who better to remind everyone about the futility of love and Valentine’s Day’s rampant, manipulative commercialism than Grumpy Cat? Buy the plushie here.
- U.S. President Barack Obama said the United Nations climate summit in Paris could be a "turning point" in saving the planet 🌍 ›
- Planned Parenthood officials said they believed Friday's shooting at a Colorado Springs clinic was motivated by opposition to abortion. ›
- And Kobe Bryant wrote a poem announcing that he's retiring from professional basketball at the end of this season 🏀🎭 ›