1. You always have to correct salespeople when they try to guess your size or pick things out for you.
“Um, sorry, but do you have any dresses in small on the top and extra large on the bottom? No? Whatever.”
3. You don’t always realize your butt’s strength or size, which makes you a hazard to yourself…
4. And others.
Want to fit into a normal-size seat on the train? You’re adorable.
5. The next person, website, or magazine that refers to you — an inedible human woman — as “pear-shaped” is getting burned on a ritual pyre of feminist rage.
6. PANTS GAP IS A REAL PROBLEM AND IT IS PLAGUING THE VERY FABRIC OF OUR CIVILIZATION.
Unless you go to the other extreme, i.e., buy pants that fit your waist and not your booty. Can’t win.
7. And RIP, every pair of jeans you’ve ever loved.
9. Same with pencil skirts.
Cool beach, lady.
10. AND ROMPERS GOOD GOD ROMPERS.
Can’t wait to squeeze a single buttcheek into that.
11. Those delicate little lacy thong-confections that can’t contain anything more massive than a pair of tennis balls? You wish.
12. Summer is extra fun thanks to allllllll that cheek sweat.
13. Biking is a real treat as well.
“Hope one-fourth of my left butt cheek enjoys this wild ride.”
14. People always act like they’ve discovered Tutankhamen’s tomb or something when they finally realize your butt’s majesty.
Like oh thanks, I never noticed this thing that’s literally been attached to me my whole life!
15. (That goes double for creepy dudes on the street.)
16. Nobody listens when you try to complain about these struggles.
“LOOK AT IT, LOOK HOW BIG IT IS, MY PROBLEMS ARE REAAAAAL.”