1. To Change the Color of Stoplights
All green, all the time.
2. To Get the Bartender’s Attention
“You want to make mine a double…”
3. To Stop an Argument with Your Significant Other
“Why can’t I remember what we were talking about, honey?”
4. To Win an Argument with Your Significant Other
“Yeah…I guess you’re right.”
5. To Win Everything, Ever
Just call this a royal flush.
6. To Turn On the Bathroom Light After a Scary Movie
Anybody in there?
7. To Choke a Bitch
Only if they deserve it…which is usually.
8. To Fold Laundry
Since when is multitasking so wrong?
9. To Get a Loan
“I could pay it back…or you could move along.”
10. To Cut in Line
It’s like being invisible, until you get helped first.
11. To Place Winning Bets
Qui-Gon did it, so can you!
12. To Make Kids Go To Sleep
“Your eyelids are getting heavy…”
13. To Change the Weather
Don’t want to go to work? How about a hurricane?
14. To Be An Amazing Athlete
Like, one-person Olympic team level amazing.
15. To Reduce Buffering Times
If this isn’t suffering, I don’t know what is.
16. To Get Out of Speeding Tickets
“I was going ten under, sir.”
17. To Move Furniture
“I can’t believe I’m doing this with my mind!”
18. To Walk on Water
Watch your back, Jesus.
19. To Make Sure You’re the Best Dressed
Don’t let this be you.
20. To Kill Spiders
Just close your eyes and visualize the squishing.
21. To Wage War
Humanity’s age-old favorite pastime.
22. To Make Someone Else Trip
Because that shit is hilarious.
23. To Hook Up With Hotties
“You want to make me pancakes in the morning…”
24. To Pump Gas in the Rain or Snow
Spare your hands.
25. To Pick Up Your Dog’s Poop
And maybe throw it at people.
26. To Screen Calls
“Sandy is calling…I sense she wants something…”
27. To Play Pranks
Let the cubicle wrap itself.
28. To Slow Aging
Well….good luck with that one, actually.
29. To Stop Loved Ones From Dying
This one has been known to backfire as well.
30. To Cut Fruit