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1. A system that tells us which episodes we should skip.
2. An option to mask your reflection with a photo of an attractive person so you don't have to see your shameface in between episodes.
3. Options tailored to your nonproductive viewing experience.
4. A cuddle buddy delivery service.
5. Occasional reality check-ins every five episodes or so.
6. A "continue watching" option that didn't require us to click. Or move. Or Speak.
7. Magically appearing food so we wouldn't have to exert energy rummaging through cabinets.
8. Honesty. We all know why playback timed out, Netflix, just say it.
9. And then an alarm to prevent us from falling asleep with our face pressed against the screen.
10. A pacing system that would allow us to better coordinate binge-watching with binge-eating.
11. A reimbursement policy for the hours of our lives wasted on shipping characters who never get together.
12. An automatic excuse generator that would allow us to get out of plans and watch more Netflix.
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