1. The Michael Phelps Wannabe
So you have impeccable form and a torso chiseled by the gods, I can hold my breathe underwater for a minute! (I bet.)
2. The Person Who Can’t Stay In Their Lane
See those dividers on either side of you bro? Keep yo’ shit in check!
3. Tan Mom
She doesn’t actually get in the pool, just lays beside it, soaking up UV rays and skin cancer.
4. The Kid Who Can’t Hold It
Feel that sudden warmth on your leg? Sweet, sweet relief.
5. The Overly Friendly Guy (aka The Creep)
You never know if he’s practicing holding his breath, or checking you out underwater with 3D goggles.
6. The Doggy Paddler
Also known as the person who learned to “swim” 20 minutes ago.
7. The Sloth
Oh, did you want to just float there like a lifeless corpse drifting off to sea? One word: Bathtub.
8. The Accessories Whore
Swim cap, goggles, kick board, flippers, ear plugs, water bottle, workout bag, arm floaties, stopwatch, hat, sunscreen, flip-flops… What are we doing here again?
9. The Mermaid
Stare long enough at this magnificent half-human, half-fish species and you will likely drown in a pile of your own tears from how beautiful it is. So. Damn. Fluid!
10. The Human Hairball
Full-body wet suit or Big Foot? You be the judge.
11. The Preteens
Boys in speedos make them blush, and a Cosmo mag is always close at hand.
12. The Flailer
Exasperated breathing, legs kicking uncontrollably, arms splashing water in everyone else’s faces, and always completely oblivious.
13. The Pregnant Woman
Above the surface she’s an average swimmer, but underneath she’s carrying the miracle of life!
14. The Aquatic Adversary
Even if you don’t want to race, he’s the guy one lane over that will always make you feel inferior by straining his fingers to touch the wall first.
- Dylann Roof wants to plead guilty to the charges against him in the Charleston church shooting, his attorney said, but a judge entered a not guilty plea for him on Friday.
- The U.S. Coast Guard has suspended its search for two teenagers who went missing a week ago off the coast of Florida.
- Beijing will host the 2022 Winter Olympics, becoming the first city to host both the summer and winter games.