The 20 Stages Of Getting A Massage

Relaxation in 5,4,3…

1. You’ve booked a massage. Woohoo!

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2. Work has been playing on your mind.

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3. You’re stiff from sitting in a chair all week, but all that’s going to change.

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4. You enter the spa, prepared for ultimate relaxation.

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5. You’re led to the treatment room, and prepare to get serene.

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6. The therapist leaves you to get changed. You’d forgotten about this part.

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7. What are you supposed to do? Trousers on or off?

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8. They return, and ask you to take deep breaths.

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9. You try and put your face into the hole in the table.

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10. And even though you know exactly what’s going on.

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11. There is a constant thread of panic in your mind.

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12. You can’t seem to relax.

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13. One moment it’s too hard.

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14. The next it’s too soft.

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15. Oh no, they’ve taken out a weirdy treatment oil.

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16. But eventually you put your mind to rest and begin to enjoy it.

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17. So by the time you’re finished, you’re half asleep.

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18. Afterwards you’re loosey goosey.

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19. You can’t seem to remember what you were so anxious about.

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20. But you’re sure it wasn’t important.

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Ailbhe Malone is the UK lifestyle editor for BuzzFeed and is based in London.
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