1. Gird your loins, the Brazilian pacu fish is here and it has a hankering for biting testicles.
2. The pacu, a cousin of the piranha, is a vegetarian that usually eats nuts and fruit. It has powerful teeth that are good at crushing. In 2011, in Papua New Guinea, the pacu was blamed for the death of two men who had their testicles bitten off.
3. Not surprisingly, the fish are known as “nutcrackers,” and in Papua New Guinea they’re called “the ball cutters,” because obviously.
4. Now the pacu is making waves because one was found on Aug. 4th in the waters between Sweden and Denmark. Henrik Carl of the Natural History Museum of Denmark talked about the pacu in the most horrifying way possible:
“They bite because they’re hungry, and testicles sit nicely in their mouth,” he explained. “And its mouth is not so big, so of course it normally eats nuts, fruit, and small fish, but human testicles are just a natural target. It’s not normal to get your testicles bitten off, of course, but it can happen, especially now in Sweden.”
5. So who cares, right? As long as there aren’t any in the United States?
6. Well…Esquire caught up with Jeremy Wade, the host of Animal Planet’s River Monsters and asked:
There are quite a few of them in the States, actually. They’re known to be in places in Florida. Florida’s nice and warm, there’s all sorts of stuff living there that shouldn’t be there! I’ve also heard, I can’t remember where exactly, but there have been other places in the States where people have had some strange bite marks.