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Today's Washington Post Express cover demands an answer to the question, "Could [Bryce] Harper get any hotter?"
Let us examine this question in great detail.
But the world quickly started getting … these … uh … feelings …
… BECAUSE SINCE 2010, BRYCE HARPER HAS BEEN PUTTING THE BAE IN BASEBALL, FOLKS.
You can't hide from the truth, Bryce.
Good, now we can continue.
Where to start?
Well, yes, with the hair.
No, you're great, Bryce.
Sometimes it gets wet …
OK, he gets wet a lot. No complaining will be heard here about this fact.
But this season …
… take a breath, you're gonna need it …
… this season we reached PEAK hair.
RIGHT NOW WE ALL FEEL YOUR JOY, BRYCE HARPER FAN CHILD!
It's cruel how hot it is, Bryce.
How hot YOU are.
Yes, you! This post is all about the ways YOU make US feel, Bryce.
Yes, we know it must be very hard work.
And we appreciate your efforts.
Now, don't got showing all those assets off, we'll never finish!
*winks back* STAHP!
OK, third base. We're gonna finish. Fine.
In conclusion.
From posing for his annual glamour shots …
… to hanging out with Mickey (!) …
… to taking a tumble (why must you hurt yourself SO much, B?) …
… to whatever is happening here which is giving us even more feelings.
Uh… uh… uh… no come back!
We've got more for you …
We thank you, Bryce.
For the thirst you inspire in all of us.
In conclusion, can he POSSIBLY get any hotter?
I mean, psh, COME ON !
That is most definitely a clown question.
Bro. <3
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