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What “Are You Afraid Of The Dark” Episodes Might Be Like In 2014

’90s kids never knew terror like this.

The original Are You Afraid of the Dark? has been off the air for 18 years. Isn’t it about time for a revival?

1. Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this story…

Regina finds a practically new iPhone 5s in Sardo’s Magic Shop for just fifty bucks, but she soon discovers there’s a catch. Every time she takes a selfie, she seems to get a little bit older. By senior prom she’s transformed into an old crone and nobody will dance with her!

2. Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this story…

Tanya is staying with her cousin for the summer, but her cousin is a total B. She tells Tanya they can only hang out together if Tanya spends a night alone in the abandoned house next door, which is rumored to be haunted by the ghost of a young girl who got too turnt and died twerking.

3. Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this story…

Every time Jason uploads a Vine of one of his friends, the friend inexplicably dies a week later. Jason realizes he has a deadly power, but will he use it to for evil?

4. Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this story…

Thanks to Macklemore, everyone wants to dress like a grandpa, and Dr. Vink’s House of Vintage aways seems to be fully stocked with classic attire. That’s all fine and good, but why are all the grandpas in the city going missing?

5. Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this story…

Jordan forgets to clear his internet history, and soon his parents discover the secret porn blog he’s been running. Now they’ve taken away his car privileges and Jordan is living his worst nightmare — being forced to stay home on a Friday night.

6. Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this story…

Rebecca buys an old scarf from one of Kim Kardashian’s eBay auctions, but when she puts it on she becomes cursed with strange visions. She learns that there’s a fourth mutant Kardashian sister locked away in their Calabasas mansion, and it’s up to Rebecca to make things right.

7. Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this story…

There’s a new viral video being sent around school, featuring a cute orange kitten playing with a piece of string. There’s a rumor about the video too: If you watch it 99 times in a row, the kitten turns toward the camera and tells you how you’ll die.

8. Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this story…

Kristin suspects she’s being catfished by a handsome model named D’Artagnan, so she goes to his house to confront him. To her surprise, an elderly woman answers the door and tells her, “D’Artagnan died in 1976!”

9. Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this story…

Becky is so excited to receive the new One Direction CD in the mail, but what arrives is an unmarked disc in a blank jewel case. There’s nothing on it except static, and a faint voice listing a series of future dates. Could the CD be predicting catastrophe?

10. Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this story…

On a road trip, Nancy and Greg’s car breaks down in a mysterious town that seems to be perpetually trapped in 1996. It turns out GeoCities never went offline, but somehow transitioned to the real world. There’s no way out for Nancy and Greg, and now they’re forced to listen to MIDIs of Hanson songs for all eternity.

11. Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this story..

Jake’s body is changing. It’s becoming slimy and hairy and there are bumps all over his back. Was he cursed by a troll? No, it’s just puberty. Sometimes real life is a nightmare, Jake.

12. Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this story…

Gary loves Snapchatting all his friends, until one day a selfie refuses to send. He stares at it, puzzled, and then suddenly the image of his face speaks to him. “I’m gonna tell everyone in your contacts list you listen to Enya,” it says, and then his screen goes dark.

13. Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this story…

Kimmy buys a new MacBook literally two weeks before they announce a NEW new MacBook model. Kimmy didn’t read the tech blogs and got what she deserved.

14. Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this story…

Before falling asleep one night, Autumn sleepily wishes her Tamagotchi were real. She awakes in the morning covered in poop and there’s a tiny blob with eyes in the corner of her room screaming at her for food. Autumn’s life will never be the same.

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