1. You have superior bullshitting skills, because you spent four years talking up questionable art projects.
2. You’ve seen all your friends naked, because they’ve either posed for another friend’s photography project or stripped down for a life modeling session.
3. In fact, you’ve seen so many naked bodies that nudity has lost all meaning and body parts have just become weird fleshy lumps.
4. You know people with degrees in totally-not-made-up majors like “Conceptual Fashion Pottery” and “Advanced Experimental Cake Decorating for the Left Handed.”
5. You frequently wonder how much smarter you’d be if you hadn’t lost half your brain cells to paint fumes and solvent vapors.
6. You are sooo sick of black frame glasses.
…even though you have two pairs of your own.
7. You kind of relate to the people on Hoarders, because your own workspace looks like a tornado tore through a Utrecht store.
8. The cliche that all art school kids end up as baristas annoys you to no end…but most of the people you graduated with make a mean cappuccino.
9. You yourself have perfected the art of the french press after countless caffeine-aided all nighters.
10. You’ve considered faking your death to escape your monumental student debt.
“So if I owe $114,000, and I sell each painting for $300, I only need to sell… 380 paintings.”
11. After four years of critiquing your classmates’ art, you can’t look at any painting without critiquing it in your head.
12. You love going to museums with your parents, because you can babble on about the art to a captive audience who won’t judge you.
13. You understand that the art world is just as cliquey and exclusive as high school was.
15. The only “sport” you’re used to watching is interpretive dance.
16. You’re completely unfazed by Lady Gaga, because you saw WAY weirder shit in school.
17. You have a newfound love for blockbuster action movies, because you no longer have to watch bleak student art films about the human condition.
18. …and your appreciation for animated movies has intensified because you realize the amount of creative labor that goes into them.
19. You have the best decorated apartment of all your friends thanks to your superior understanding of color, shape, and form.
20. In the end, you’ve learned to shrug off people’s assumptions about being an art school grad.
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