28 Reasons You’re Better Off Never Having Kids

Child-free’s the way to be.

1. Your sleeping schedule won’t revolve around when another tiny human feels sleepy.

Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec / Via en.wikipedia.org
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2. This means you can take naps without worrying a child is burning down the house while you slumber.

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3. You can curse freely around your home without worrying you’re being overheard by impressionable little goblins.

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4. As it turns out, adults without children are less likely to suffer from depression.

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5. You won’t need to stress about your body basically exploding from the agony of childbirth.

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6. Other people’s kids remain fun and cute in your eyes, because you only have to experience them in small doses.

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7. If you want to have a little White Wine in the Nighttime™ you can, because you have no kids to watch after. Vive la fête!

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8. You won’t worry about messing up as a parent and accidentally raising a monster.

Warner Brothers

Warner Brothers

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9. Bathroom time is blissfully uninterrupted by noisy children. You could die in the bathroom if you wanted to. You have that luxury.



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10. It costs $241,080 to raise a kid. Think of everything you could buy with that money.

Nickelodeon / Via BVSXDWXRLD

96,432 tacos, for starters.

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11. Since you’ve got more cash on hand, you can take spontaneous vacations without having to make special accommodations for your child.

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12. If you want, you can even move to a new city on a whim.

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13. The only tantrums you’ll have to deal with are your own fits of rage when the Seamless app crashes.

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14. Your life will be blissfully free of bodily fluids that aren’t your own.


…unless that’s something you’re into, in which case, live yo’ life.

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15. You can fill your home with fancy, sharp-edged furniture and not worry a toddler might bash his head on the corner of your vintage Paul McCobb coffee table.

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16. You get to buy modern lucite furniture that won’t get covered in tiny smudgy handprints.

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17. You can purchase nice clothes for yourself that won’t be immediately destroyed by toxic baby barf.

Paramount Pictures

Paramount Pictures

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18. Even if you’re poor, all you have to do is think, At least I don’t have to buy diapers right now and suddenly you feel rich beyond measure.

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19. If you feel lonely, you know you don’t need a kid to fill the void. That’s what cats, dogs, and houseplants are for, and you don’t have to put a houseplant through college.

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20. Since you don’t have tots of your own, you get to invest all your time in being the cool aunt or uncle.

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21. You’ll never have to deal with the awkwardness of explaining puberty…

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22. …let alone the dreaded sex talk. *shudder*

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23. Speaking of sex, you get to have it wherever you want without the fear of a child walking in on you.

Disney / Pixar / Via buzzfeed.com
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24. You don’t have to give up your hobbies. You can ↓→+P for the rest of your amazing, fun, childfree life.

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25. Since there are no kiddos running around, you get to watch porn whenever you want!

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26. It’ll be so much easier to save for a comfortable retirement. Did you know they have Wii systems in retirement homes now?

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27. In your old age, you can get weird without people worrying about the burden you’re placing on your poor children.

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28. Being child-free makes being an adult that much more fun!

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