1. Your sleeping schedule won’t revolve around when another tiny human feels sleepy.
2. This means you can take naps without worrying a child is burning down the house while you slumber.
3. You can curse freely around your home without worrying you’re being overheard by impressionable little goblins.
4. As it turns out, adults without children are less likely to suffer from depression.
5. You won’t need to stress about your body basically exploding from the agony of childbirth.
6. Other people’s kids remain fun and cute in your eyes, because you only have to experience them in small doses.
7. If you want to have a little White Wine in the Nighttime™ you can, because you have no kids to watch after. Vive la fête!
9. Bathroom time is blissfully uninterrupted by noisy children. You could die in the bathroom if you wanted to. You have that luxury.
10. It costs $241,080 to raise a kid. Think of everything you could buy with that money.
96,432 tacos, for starters.
11. Since you’ve got more cash on hand, you can take spontaneous vacations without having to make special accommodations for your child.
13. The only tantrums you’ll have to deal with are your own fits of rage when the Seamless app crashes.
14. Your life will be blissfully free of bodily fluids that aren’t your own.
…unless that’s something you’re into, in which case, live yo’ life.