1. SO if you didn’t know, the Oxford comma is basically the most important punctuation mark of all time.
2. Style experts disagree on whether or not the Oxford comma (also called the serial comma) is required but that is a stupid argument because CLEARLY YOU SHOULD USE IT.
3. Look, without the Oxford comma, you’re basically forcing world leaders into exotic dancing. YOU DID THIS TO THEM.
4. Also, do you really want people to think you are talking to your breakfast foods? WELL DO YOU???
5. Without the Oxford comma, you’re making Barack marry Castro. Don’t do that to Michelle. She does not deserve that.
6. And Tim Tebow is not descended from the unholy union of God and the cruel tyrant from Matilda, OK? He just isn’t.
7. Also, Miley and JLaw are not puppies. THIS WEIRD INTERSPECIES TWERK MACHINE SHOULD NOT EXIST.
8. AND ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO CALL NELSON MANDELA AN 800-YEAR-OLD DILDO COLLECTOR? NELSON. MANDELA.
9. Also, let’s be clear that Vampire Weekend was being extremely cavalier about the Oxford comma thing because PLENTY OF PEOPLE GIVE A FUCK ABOUT AN OXFORD COMMA.
10. This guy said he didn’t care about the Oxford comma on his dating profile and totally ruined any chance he had of a relationship because it’s THAT important.
11. So just remember next time you’re wondering if you should use the Oxford comma — YES.
It is important, amazing, and VITAL.