1. You get stressed out thinking about the lack of power outlets outside.
So…how do I watch TV? And where do I charge my phone?
2. And you don’t even want to think about how bad the wifi service is.
4. And if you really have to go, you’re repulsed by the fact that there is no running water outdoors.
How do I wash my hands? How do I shower? WHAT IS THIS DIRTINESS?
5. The thought of this happening to your shoes terrifies you.
6. And if you’re going to get gross germs, you’d rather they come from the subway pole than from dirt and nasty bugs and stuff.
7. You don’t care about learning how to use a compass — you have Google Maps for that stuff.
8. You refuse to even go for a walk unless there’s some concrete underfoot.
10. You need ambient noise around you at all times.
The sound of cars is actually kind of therapeutic.
12. You consider mosquitos the worst creatures on earth.
This is the most terrifying thing I could ever imagine.
13. In fact, basically everything outdoors makes you itchy and miserable.
14. You don’t know why anyone would leave the house when they can get their nature fix like this.
15. You’re not sure why you’d go hiking outside when there’s a perfectly good treadmill at the gym.
16. This is pretty much as close to winter sports as you’ve ever gotten.
And if you do go on a ski vacation, you’ll probably just sit in the lodge all day.
17. Any sport, really — you only play if there’s an indoor version.
Ping-pong’s always a good option.
18. You don’t actually own proper outdoors gear, so you inevitably end up like this.
This is where fish poop and sharks come to bite off your leg.
Stay out of lakes and oceans, people.
22. This is the closest you’ll ever get to farming.
Dressed for success.
23. And you don’t even get the popularity of gardening because all the food you could want is at the grocery store just down the street.
26. Because you’re sure that this will definitely happen to you and you will die.
27. Plus, there’s literally no way to feel comfortable in a sleeping bag.
Either your body hurts from the ground below or you get all tangled up if you try to move.