1. They’re handy around the house.
Just saying, I’d much rather have Phil here as my French maid than Ashlee Simpson.
What? No one else listened to that album? My bad.
2. They are great movie buddies.
They can go get more popcorn after I eat it all during previews without blocking anyone’s view!
And drink refills.
And that candy I forgot I liked until the third act.
3. They give honest feedback.
You’ll never make it on Broadway OR Dance Moms so stop trying. (Chloe!)
(Just kidding, Chloe. You’re my favorite. But really, switch studios.)
4. They’re into recreational sports.
Fishing and Ping Pong.
Although… this version might be against league rules.
6. But they also know how to Par-tay after hours.
Beedoo! May toe sufonai moi!
7. They’re big on nutrition.
Seriously, bananas are some of the best fruits out there.
They don’t share too well though. But hey, that just means you’ll get skinnier, right?
8. They’re in this really cool club that you could maybe join.
But they’re not allowed to talk about.
Really, they do not talk about it.
9. They’re skilled in the ancient art of acupuncture.
That’s good for stress relief… if you’re a maniac that voluntarily chooses for needles to be thrust into your body.
10. They’re not afraid to show they’re true feelings.
And what the world needs now really is love, sweet love.
11. They help you practice social interaction.