The SEC Burn Book


1. The Southeastern Conference (SEC) can be a scary place.

ID: 2663578

2. Being in the SEC during the regular season “is like being in Africa. By the watering hole. When the animals are in heat.”

ID: 2663669

3. And not everyone can handle it.

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4. Welcome to the SEC.

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5. Here, “You got your freshmen….

The University of Missouri

“Do they even go here?”

ID: 2654586

6. …ROTC guys…

Texas A&M University

“I don’t hate you because you’re cult-like. You’re cult-like because I hate you.”

ID: 2654592

7. …Preps…

The University of Mississippi (Ole Miss)

“We’re, like, really pretty.” “So you think we’re really pretty?”

ID: 2654599

8. …JV Jocks…

The University of Tennessee

“They asked me how to spell orange.”

ID: 2654605

9. …Asian Nerds…

Vanderbilt University

“If you’re from Nashville, why are you smart?”

ID: 2654610

10. …Cool Asians…

The University of Florida

“There’s a 30% chance we’re already losing.”

ID: 2654613

11. …Varsity Jocks…

The University of Georgia

“There are two types of evil people in this world. Those who go to Florida and those who go to Auburn.”

ID: 2654614

12. …Girls Who Eat Their Feelings…

The University of Arkansas

“And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-action rifle, so that Man could fight the LSU Tigers. And the homosexuals.”

ID: 2654617

13. …Girls Who Don’t Eat Anything…

The University of South Carolina

“We only carry sizes one, three and five. You could try Belk.”

ID: 2654626

14. …Desperate Wannabees…

Mississippi State University

“Quit trying to make cowbell happen. IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.”

ID: 2654627

15. …Burnouts…

Auburn University

“That’s a scary mascot, bro.”

ID: 2654628

16. …Sexually Active Band Geeks…

The University of Kentucky

“Don’t have sex. You will get pregnant. And only be relevant in basketball.”

ID: 2654632

17. …The Greatest People You Will Ever Meet…

Louisiana State University

“Raise your hand if you’ve ever been personally victimized by Nick Saban.”

ID: 2654633

18. …And The Worst, Beware Of The Plastics.”

The University of Alabama

“On Wednesdays, we wear Houndstooth.”

ID: 2659065

19. At the end of the day, though, we come together to judge the other conferences.

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20. We’re the best, and we’re sorry you’re all jealous.

ID: 2663823

21. Keep trying, though.

ID: 2663855

23. We’ll still be here.

ID: 2663907

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