9 Ways Male Comedians Can Be Allies To Female Comedians

This list was inspired by John Frusciante, Upright Citizen Brigade Theatre’s Artistic Associate, who recently wrote a post about submissions for SPANK from female comedians at UCB. Many of the issues he touches on are more universal. Where are the women at the top? What do they need to feel like having their own show (or Presidency or Stanley Cup) is possible? It’s a long road to travel to get to the point where you can write your own show. Female comedians go through a lot in order to get there. Things male comedians don’t have to think about. Comedy, like most creative industries, is a pyramid and we need a strong base. The question is what can we do for women along the way, before they get to that one woman show. If you, a male comedian, would like to see yourself at the top and to look around and see women there too, the following are a few tips on how to be an ally to ladies in comedy along the way. Full Disclosure: I’m a cis woman! I’ve been taking improv classes at UCB since 2010. I’m an intern there. I’m not a superstar, I’m not on a house team and I’ve never written a SPANK. I have however made an effort to understand the workings of the theater as much as possible from my position, which is a low one. Like most microcosms, UCB reflects a lot of the biases and ‘isms’ of the larger culture it exists in, which includes sexism. This list is meant in the most positive way possible but I’m drinking as I post it because Real Talk is scary. Alcohol Power! Let’s do this!

1. Believe us if we say something sexist occurred.

I’ve heard someone at UCB say, in regards to people complaining about racism, that some people are always looking to be offended. What? Who in the hell WANTS to be offended? Being offended sucks. It makes it hard to smile and laugh and enjoy yourself which is like 80% of the reason I’m interested in comedy (The other 20% is debilitating narcissism). It might be impossible to describe sexism to a person who is on the outside of that experience. Just remember, complaining is not fun. It’s difficult, it attracts negative attention and it makes enemies when you want to make friends. Support a woman who is making a stand against what she perceives as sexist because it’s probably gonna be worse for her than anyone else.

2. Go see female comedians.

Homogeneity is the death of ideas and if you only listen to people who are just like you, your mind will stagnate. I once had a fellow intern scoff at the idea that he’d stay for the woman’s open mic, Open Michelle, at UCB. “Like I’d want to watch women telling jokes,” he said. Barf. Barf in your mouth, you guy, who was in no way being cleverly ironic. I mean, a lot of open mics are terrible but that is unrelated to gender. If you think that a show featuring only women or mostly women is going to be ‘less than’, that’s a serious problem for your own comedic sensibility.

3. Don't 'Wife' Us.

Okay, so great, you write sketch and you don’t exclude women. There’s a woman in every single one of your sketches, actually! There’s a girlfriend, a wife...a mom. Look, if you’re going to include women include the possibility that a woman could play the Mayor or the post office worker—Any gov’t official really! Or the belligerent dogsled driver, the sea captain training for a marathon, the clown taking a real estate exam. Anything! Anything except the girlfriend!

4. Put Your Wigs Away.

Nothing makes me want to yell, “Help, help, I’m being repressed!” like when I see a show with a bunch of dudes doing all the lady parts, even if they’re also making me laugh. If they needed someone to be genuinely sexy or play the normal character in a world of weirdos they’d probably cast a female performer, much like Monty Python did. Does this mean you don’t trust a female comedian to be as gross, outrageous and bizarre as a man? Why? *Playing characters in a different gender than the one you identify as is a staple of comedy and I’m not suggesting we banish it. But when we see this practice taken to its extreme then Kenan Thompson playing every black female character on SNL for 6 years becomes the acceptable alternative to hiring a black actress. For example.

5. Don't Mascot Us.

When you are in a space where you are outnumbered, even when the reason you’re there is because people think you’re talented and want to include you, it is a potentially alienating experience. If you are one of two women on your improv team of 8 you will be seen as a representative of your sex, not as just another funny person on the backline. If you book shows, if you are forming a sketch or an improv team, seek a gender balance. It is possible. Women make up 52% of the world’s population and we seem to have no problem finding each other.

6. Educate Yourself.

Do some exploratory googling. Lots of people, of all gender permutations, have done lots of work on breaking it down and they’re smarter than us both. They may not be speaking about comedy but again, comedy is a microcosm that reflects the larger world. That way when you want to have an intelligent, respectful conversation about gender you don’t open with, “Apes! Evolution! ALPHAS!!!!” then crush a can on your face for emphasis.

7. Pointing to the exceptional woman as proof that sexism is dead is FALSE.

Amy Poehler has a mind like a diamond. Lots of men out there have an equivalent level of power as her with a fraction of her ability. She is too good to keep down but there should be room for women across the spectrum of talent/likability/drive as there is room for men.

8. Don’t only work with people you want to sleep with!

I get it, I’m a sex monster too. Hey, go ahead, ask a woman you think is a hottie to play your girlfriend in your new web series. But dig deep. Is that the only kind of girl you’ve tried to work with? And if she says yes to the web series but no to your genitals, how do you treat her after that?

9. “It was just a joke,” is the worst.

Remember # 1? Believe a lady when she tells you something is sexist? Well, sometimes you are that something. Not all people who harbor misogynist ideas are mouth breathing ass grabbers. Some of them are even other women. If you get called out for sexism there are a lot of ways to react but one of the worst in the comedy world is to say, “It was just a joke.” Comedy isn’t a blanket excuse to say and do whatever horrible thing you want. Comedy should be used to expose stereotypes, not support them. Poop jokes are also great.

“Hey,” you say, “I’m in support of ladies not having to wear bras or whatever feminism is, but I have my own career and creativity to think about. Why should I be coddling the girls?”

“Well, it’s not coddling, it’s normalizing,” I reply, “A lot of the points above are just the everyday bullshit you probably take for granted, that you have as a privilege of your gender. Respect, universal personhood, inclusion. These suggestions are an attempt to correct the systemic oppression of women throughout human history, duh. Except it’s only comedy. If you're an ally to women they'll be an ally to you. Maybe. We're all just rolling the dice, right?”

Last thing. All my life I’ve valued my ability to make people laugh over any other attribute. I still remember as a teenager having a male friend turn to me and say, “You’re so funny! Which is really great because women usually don’t have a sense of humor.”

I remember this incident because even now, 15 years later, I can’t believe I took that lying down. Gentlemen, don’t be that guy who says some unconscionable shit to a girl and then watches her die a little inside. And ladies, don’t be that girl. Because you’re not. You’re a warrior!