The 6 Symptoms Of Subway Suffering

If you have spent any time travelling via an underground vomit comet, you may experience one (but probably more) of these symptoms. Let us commiserate...

1. Self Loathing

The excitement you felt at having an empty seat next to you is quickly replaced by strong feelings of insecurity. You harshly criticize yourself for perceived unclean (!?) or unfriendly (!?) vibes.

2. Anger or Irritability

The car has finally cleared out a little but, instead of abiding by the basic rules of human decency, the person nearest to you won't budge. Your tolerance level is low, your temper short, and everything and everyone gets on your nerves.

3. Feelings of Helplessness and Hopelessness

Your outlook is bleak. It's cough/cold/flu season and you know that being locked in an airtight container with the rest of the city will undoubtedly get you sick. You can't afford/access cab or car rides - nothing will ever get better and there’s nothing you can do to improve your situation.

4. Reckless Behaviour

You find yourself so freezing cold/boiling hot that otherwise abhorrent behaviour becomes perfectly acceptable. Cozy up to that stranger for heat, sneak behind them to avoid direct-sunlight.

5. Concentration Problems

You debate whether offering your seat to someone will be offensive or appreciated for so long that you forget to get off at your stop or have given yourself a head/stomach ache etc.

6. Delusional Thinking

After successfully overcoming the other symptoms, you have become totally convinced that riding the subway is actually a great networking opportunity. You believe that if you complete daily crossword and sudoku puzzles quick enough, the hordes of onlookers interested in your mastery will admire/hire you. You are a delusional Subway Sufferer