1. Be excited that you’re only six years away from your 10-year high school reunion.
Start choreographing an interpretive dance NOW.
2. Keep a diary with all of your inner-most thoughts and romantic plans.
Do not fall for any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, commitment phobics, people with girlfriends or wives, misogynists, megalomaniacs, chauvinists, emotional fuckwits, freeloaders or perverts.
3. Continue to only draw on your tattoos.
In case they are forboden at your place of work (like a cheerocracy).
4. Make your resume stand out by printing it on pink paper and spritizing it with your fave perfume.
It gives it a little something extra, don’t you think?
5. Be upfront with your feelings.
You ain’t got time to be fake.
6. Always have something baking when entertaining in your new adult home.
Apparently this is a roll of cookies, NOT a burrito, but don’t feel limited by this.
8. Have a diet consisting of burgers, fries, and diet cokes.
ESP. when you’re due in Tuscon later for a business thing.
9. Be prepared for any question they may ask at a job interview.
Beer pong and/or flip cup should NOT count as one of your strengths.
10. Stay brushed up on simple mathematics.
7 × 7 = 49
11. Make sure your laptop is *~*~unique~*~**
A plain, black HP laptop? LOL THAT’S CUTE.
12. List spirit fingers as a special skill on your resume.*
*Only if your job interview is indeed the audition for Pippin.
13. Always have a bunny costume at the ready for special occassions.
14. *Snaps* if you have more than one!
15. Trouble in the dating world? Simple fix: bend and snap.
After all, it has a 98% success rate of getting a man’s attention. And when used appropriately, has a 83% rate of return of a dinner invite.
16. Have a go-to party game, like suck and blow.
Things at the office party are about to get REAL interesting.
17. Have personal pep talks before job interviews.
18. Things getting out of hand at the bar? Just SING.
Solar plex, Instep, Nose, Groin!
19. Appreciate that gone are the days of stuffing your bra for a more fuller look.
Because now you are an alumni, flirty, and thriving.
20. Use post-its for any administrative need.
Shout out Art Fry of the 3M Corp who invented them.
21. Choose vodka during times of emotional crisis.
22. Keep things trendy by having a versatile wardrobe.
FOUR ways to rock overalls and a button up? Color us impressed, Tai.
23. Remember you’re one in a million.
You’re beauty, you’re grace, you’re Miss United States.