8 Reasons Your Job is Better Than Halloween

Halloween is a fun time, but it’s actually not nearly as great as your job that you go to five times a week, for eight hours a day. Don’t believe me? With enough optimism, you can learn that every day at the job is a holiday.

8. People bring you treats in the form of your paycheck

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When you are at your door on Halloween, the visitors come to take things you paid for. Messed up, right? All those hours of blood, sweat, and tears, passed on to neighborhood children!

When the customer comes to your desk, sends an email, or gives you a call, he or she might seem worse, but ultimately that money is what goes to your paycheck and your box of treats. That feels good when you think about it, right? Ok. It’s a stretch, we know.

7. People don’t steal your candy

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Theoretically, your co-workers don’t take the whole bowl when you kindly put out a few treats on your desk. Unlike the bowl that goes on your porch Halloween night – that thing lasts two minutes tops and is usually swiped by one of those parents out Trick-or-Treating with their 10-day-old baby. Give me a break.

6. The only spooks are in your head

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No one is jumping out to scare you at work, usually. Except that one time you accidentally walked in on your co-worker in the bathroom. That may count.

All the typical work stress is mental and can be absolved through patience, meditation, and perseverance. Work can be a time of self-focus. While you do the mundane you can imagine. Plan. Achieve.

5. Overtime at work you get paid more

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Ever have that one Halloween every three years or so where the kids are up until 3:30 in the morning? You are out clearing toilet paper from your trees until dawn? And you still have to work the next day on November 1st? You didn’t get any overtime or anything. At least when you have to go over with your job, you typically get a little token of appreciation. Right? Maybe?

4. Happy hour versus haunted hour?

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At least with your work day, you get a happy hour. That brief moment each day where you get to celebrate, with alcohol and bar nuts, that you survived another brutal phone conference call or managed to look mostly awake during that manager’s meeting.

3. Ding dong don’t bother me

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With your job, if you are especially skilled in the art of slacking, you can usually close your door or hide in your computer monitor long enough to get some private time. Not on Halloween. On Halloween, you are bound to the ding dong call of your neighbor’s spawn. If you are “that” neighbor who turns out their lights and pretends not to be home, prepare for the wrath of teen-age boys wielding eggs.

2. Witches versus b******

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I’ll take the catty office ladies over real, potion-possessing, cauldron witches any day. At least with your co-workers, you have a chance at overcoming their drama with tools like passive aggressive behavior, extended “bathroom breaks,” and anonymous reporting to HR. With real witches, you are bound to become one of those flying monkeys.

1. An existential crisis is scarier than a haunted house

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Haunted houses are pretty terrifying, but no matter how scared you are, you just tell yourself “It’s not real. It’s not real” and you find a little relief. You know what is really scary? Being jobless with no health insurance and no plan for the future. Boo!

If you have ever experienced a long period where you were laid off, you look at work in a different light. Sure, it might be a lame, soul-sucking job with no upward mobility, but until you get something else in place, it pays the bills. Sort of.

Have I failed to convince you work is better than Halloween? Maybe it's time for you to learn how to freelance and quit the corporate world for good.