A Superficial Ranking Of Generation I Pokemon, Part I

Hi. I'm bored at work so I've decided to rank all of the Pokémon based solely on their physical appearance. I know, it's superficial and shallow but this is what gets me through the workday now. Is this that "quiet quitting" everyone's been talking about?

*Warning: I'm including regional forms of first generation Pokémon for some reason. Please don't judge me.

184. Alolan Raticate

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Absolutely terrible. Everyone involved in this design should be ashamed of themselves.

183. Alolan Golem

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

As with a lot of the regional forms from later generations, they were trying way to hard. Terrible.

182. Alolan Persian

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

This looks like it's from some bootleg Pokémon thing. I hate it so much.

181. Gloom

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

The worst of the original designs for the first generation. It's the drool. I don't like it.

180. Hisuian Growlithe

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Just ridiculous, but not in a good way.

179. Alolan Dugtrio

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

I feel like there's some joke about Dugtrio trying on wigs here but I'm not going to make it because this Dugtrio makes me mad.

178. Golbat

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

The mouth is just too big. And the eyes. It doesn't work for me.

177. Galarian Weezing

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Gray coloring? Cool. Green smog? Cool. The top hat smokestack thing? Nope. Hate it. Sorry, Galarian Weezing.

176. Galarian Mr. Mime

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

the original Mr. Mime is not going to top this list. That being said, Galarian Mr. Mime makes the original Mr. Mime look like a hunk.

175. Porygon

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

I was going to say that Porygon looks too cold and lifeless, but as I sit here looking into its eye, I see a sadness. I feel sympathy for this Porygon but that doesn't change its ranking. Sorry, bud.

174. Weepinbell

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Stupid bell-shaped plant. I don't like it.

173. Omastar

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

I don't like its mouth hole.

172. Goldeen

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Get out of here you ugly fish. Stop trying to seduce me.

171. Seaking

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

There are two things that put Seaking over Goldeen:

1. The look of fear on its face.

2. It isn't making a pouty kissy face at me.

170. Magnemite

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

It's a pool ball with magnets and screws. It's not hideous but I don't like the tiny pupil.

169. Magneton

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Same criticism as for Magnemite but with two magnets pointed right at me, I'm scared to rank it lower than Magnemite.

168. Galarian Articuno

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Trying way to hard to be cool.

167. Hypno

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

As you'll see, Drowzee ranks much higher on this list. There was so much potential and they squandered it. For that reason alone, I do not like Hypno.

166. Ekans

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Looks like it's screaming for help. Just rattle your tail, buddy. That'll get everyone's attention.

165. Jynx

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Jynx is racist.

You can read about it here.

164. Weedle

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Unlike with Diglett, the bulbous nose does not work for Weedle.

163. Spearow

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Ugly bird but also kind of cool looking maybe?

162. Victreebel

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Let's start with the name. It's terrible. Maybe the worst name for a first generation Pokémon. Appearance is somewhat better than Weepinbell, but still not great.

161. Magikarp

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Magikarp is kind of a lesson in patience, as it has one of the best glow ups in all of Pokémon. That's the only reason it's this high on the list, because it has such great potential.

160. Machoke

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I was going to call Machoke a butterface but then I realized that might be a little weird. Machoke has the body of a jacked, wide-footed human but the face of a lizard thing? It doesn't work.

159. Caterpie

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Not really pleasant to look at, but very good design for a caterpillar Pokémon.

158. Fearow

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

The skinny neck makes me uncomfortable.

157. Mr. Mime

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He has the smug look of a mime on his face, so that's cool. Everything else does not work form me, especially the red balls at the base of each limb.

156. Tentacool

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Something doesn't work for me. I don't know if it's the head shape, the tentacles, the cape/flap thing, or something else. Sorry, Tentacool.

155. Paras

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

This is one of those "so ugly it's almost cute" situations.

154. Magmar

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Kind of a mess, but it's not terrible. Definitely could've had a cooler design. That said, I do love the flaming butt on its head.

153. Alolan Exeggutor

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Looks as if the original Exeguttor, a chill-looking dude, did a bunch of cocaine or something. I am not into it.

152. Zubat

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Not as bad as Golbat, but still not really pleasant to look at.

151. Galarian Rapidash

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Trying too hard to be more majestic than the already majestic original Rapidash.

150. Poliwrath

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I know the "Poli" evolutionary line has its fans, I've never really been into the swirly belly thing.

149. Poliwhirl

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Less angry than Poliwrath.

148. Seel

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Initially ranked lower on this list (I think closer to #170), after giving it some thought, I moved Seel up. Kind of cute but looks very uncomfortable in that pose and I don't like the teeth.

147. Shellder

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

As already mentioned, not a fan of the tiny pupil. The tongue is also a little weird. What are you trying to lick little guy? The ocean?

146. Parasect

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Creepy. Would not want to cross paths with in any scenario. Kind of cool though?

145. Kabuto

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Another shelled Pokémon whose eyes creep me out.

144. Golem

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Looks like it's trying to grab me or something.

143. Exeggutor

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Like I said, Exeggutor is a chill-looking dude, but a hunk it is not.

142. Moltres

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

I don't know. For a flaming bird, it should look cooler. The fire on its head and wings are kind of weird, too.

141. Alolan Meowth

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Meowth has two regional forms on top of the original form. I don't know why. This one looks like it knew your boyfriend was cheating on you but when you found out, it pretends that it didn't know.

140. Dewgong

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Kind of cute but very boring.

139. Alolan Geodude

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

The "eyebrows" are great. They don't overwhelm the face but instead give it some character. That said, the "hair" is ridiculous and for that reason alone, Alolan Geodude ranks this low.

138. Butterfree

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

I don't like the little fangs.

137. Metapod

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

For the first 25 years or so of my life I though Metapod was facing the opposite direction and was angry.

136. Hitmonchan

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As a kid, I thought Hitmonchan was the coolest looking Pokémon. I've outgrown that phase. I don't know what it is, but there's something off about this. Maybe it's the feet? I don't know.

135. Nidoran♀

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

As you'll see, Nidoran♂ ranks much higher. I can't quite put my finger on it, but this one just doesn't look good.

134. Nidorino

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Unlike with Nidoran♀, I know exactly what I don't like about Nidorino. It's caught between two much better stages. It's not terrible, but it's not good.

133. Alolan Vulpix

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Like with the original Vulpix, Alolan Vulpix is trying a little too hard to be cute. On top of that, the coloring doesn't work.

132. Vulpix

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Trying a little too hard to be cute.

131. Aerodactyl

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

I want to like Aerodactyl's look but for some reason, I just don't.

130. Dragonite

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Does not live up to the potential of Dragonair and Dratini. It looks less like a Pokémon and more like a character on "Barney & Friends".

129. Nidoqueen

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

It's not terrible, but it can be better.

128. Alolan Ninetales

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Just a poor alternative to the original Ninetales.

127. Hitmonlee

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Reminds me of a hairless Gossamar from "Looney Tunes". I'm not into.

126. Wigglytuff

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Wigglytuff is cool. It looks cute and friendly, but like Dewgong it's boring. Also, I don't like the hair curl thing.

125. Venusaur

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Bulbasaur and Ivysaur had so much potential for a cool final evolution, but Venusaur does not live up to it.

124. Clefairy

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Basically the same as Wigglytuff, except the hair curl thing is better.

123. Clefable

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

There's some cool stuff going on with the ears and tail, but it could've been even more different from Clefairy.

122. Chansey

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

As a kid, I thought Chansey and Clefairy were the same. Now I see they aren't. Chansey has an egg and a funnier "hairstyle".

121. Poliwag

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Still not a fan of these swirly bellies, but Poliwag is at least cuter than Poliwhirl and Poliwrath.

120. Venonat

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

A kind of cute bug-thing that might devour your face if you let your guard down. Maybe it should rank higher. I don't know.

119. Galarian Ponyta

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Big "My Little Pony" vibes.

118. Seadra

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

It's an angry seahorse. Or is it a punk seahorse? It could be a punk seahorse maybe. If it's a punk seahorse I'll have to reconsider its ranking. I'm not going to do that, so let's say it's an angry seahorse.

117. Golduck

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Golduck? More like Bluelizarduck, am I right?

116. Koffing

The Pokémon Company / Via The Pokémon Company

You know what? Koffing is kind of adorable. In the week since I actually did the ranking, I've changed my mind. I'm going to move Koffing up this list. I'm also just going to leave this here because I don't want to have to delete the picture and the title or whatever.

116. Hisuian Arcanine

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Better than Hisuian Growlithe, but there was absolutely no need to change the near-perfect original Arcanine.

115. Slowpoke

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Again with the tiny pupils, but this time it's not as bad. Pretty basic otherwise.

114. Galarian Moltres

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Moltres gets a sleak, sexy, fun upgrade.

113. Flareon

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Not terrible, but the worst of the Eeveelutions.

112. Raticate

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

It's a rat.

111. Omanyte

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Omastar could've been #111 instead of #173 if it didn't have that beaked mouth hole thing.

110. Rattata

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It's a purple rat.

109. Pinsir

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

If it weren't for the horny horns, Pinsir would be ranked much lower on this list.

108. Weezing

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Unlike Koffing, I did not change Weezing's ranking. It lacks the joy and optimism that Koffing exhudes.

107. Lapras

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

I feel like Lapras is very overrated. I don't get it. Smug sea monster thinks it's better than me? Get out of here.

106. Tangela

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

It's a ball of vines but it's also kind of cute?

105. Onix

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

It's a rock snake. Kind of cool, I guess.

104. Psyduck

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Kind of endearing.

103. Alolan Graveler

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

So the "hair" that was on Alolan Geodude is now on the arms. Ok? There's also some gold. That's cool.

102. Galarian Zapdos

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

It's a decent makeover for Zapdos. Not great, but it could've been worse.

101. Slowbro

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Literally just Slowpoke but with a "Shellder" attached to its tail but that somehow makes a big difference. Also, that is clearly not a Shellder but the Pokémon people are adamant that it is.

100. Sandslash

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Kind of cute and kind of vicious, but it could be more.

99. Alolan Sandslash

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

A slight upgrade to the original flavor. Now its cute, vicious, and sleek!

98. Galarian Meowth

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

A great improvement over Alolan Meowth. Still not as good as the original.

97. Jigglypuff

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Yes, Jigglypuff is cute. Yes, it's only ranked #97. That's it.

96. Persian

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

An elegant cat. Pretty killer cheekbones.

95. Exeggcute

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Badass group of eggs. A little sad about that dead one in the back.

94. Alolan Rattata

The Pokémon Company / Via pokemon.com

Sure, the whisker things are kind of weird, but everything else is pretty good.

93. Blastoise

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It's a blue tortoise with cannons. That's pretty cool, right?

End of Generation I, Part I

Okay (or is it "OK"? I'll never know). So that's the first half of this ranking, the bottom 92. Tune in next time for the top 92 to see who tops my list. Will it be Muk? Could it be Lickitung? You'll have to wait and see.