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    8 Reasons Frosty The Snowman Is Actually The Worst

    Snowmen should not be this socially inept.

    1. He won't stop lapsing into existentialism.


    Like your college roommate who has started reading Sartre, Frosty likes subjecting everyone to his rudimentary existentialist queries. Within two seconds of coming to life, he forces everyone to listen to him have a philosophical debate with himself: “I said my first words — but snowmen can’t talk! Could — could I really be alive?” This is not an endearing way to introduce yourself to a new group of friends.

    2. He makes children ditch school to escort him to the North Pole.


    Since Frosty is made from Christmas Snow and seems to have a professional relationship with Santa, he knows damn well where the North Pole is. He can get there on his own. It's not even like he's using these children to spot him the cost of the ride up there - he doesn't even pay for a train ticket! He hops a boxcar, a decision he doesn't think twice about, which implies he's done this before. So he does not need a guide there... so why does he want these kids to take him up there? For company? Does he really care more about not being bored on the train ride up than their continuing education??

    3. He won't stop saying "Happy Birthday."


    If someone wishes you a happy birthday on a day other than your birthday, it’s kinda cute and funny, because it's an honest mistake. But then if they also wish you a happy birthday the next day, it’s a little less funny, because you’ve told them it’s not your birthday and it would be nice if they remembered details like that. But then they wish you a happy birthday the next day. And the next day. And the next day. And they won't stop. This is not just something Frosty enjoys doing -- this is one of his defining character traits. (unless he's actually wishing himself a happy birthday repeatedly in front of other people which is even more annoying.)

    4. He plays dumb to get out of legal trouble.


    When he first encounters the traffic cop, Frosty has this infuriating exchange:

    TRAFFIC COP: What's the matter? Didn't you see that traffic light?

    FROSTY: What's a traffic light?

    TRAFFIC COP: Up there on that lamppost.

    FROSTY: What's a lamppost?

    TRAFFIC COP: You want a ticket, wise guy?

    FROSTY: I'd love one! To the North Pole, please!

    Frosty doesn't just play dumb for fun: he must keep up a certain level of ignorance to avoid any legal ramifications for any potential misdemeanors he may commit as he's walking around town. Which wouldn't be an issue, except...

    5. He knows more than he lets on.


    When Frosty is introducing himself, he brags about being able to count to ten. “I can count to ten! One, two, three, four, five, nine, six, eight… well, I can count to five.” He clearly knows "five, nine, six, eight" is incorrect because he immediately catches himself. This leads me to believe he does know how to count to ten, because someone who does not know how to count to ten would not catch that mistake right away. Speaking of which...

    6. He does not have a set number of fingers.

    How many fingers does Frosty have?!? He seems to be like every other cartoon character and only has four fingers... except all the sudden when he's counting and this fucking fifth finger shows up OUT OF NOWHERE. Which would be okay, I guess, but then it disappears for the remainder of the show. Is this because he started to reveal that he DOES know how to count and he had to get rid of any and all evidence to the contrary? Can he just make fingers appear and disappear out of nowhere? What kind of freaky snowman power is that??

    7. He's the product of stolen goods.


    It is not unreasonable for Professor Hinkle to want his damn hat back. He lost his hat by accident! It’s how he earns his living!! Frosty came to life when the hat landed on his dumb snowman head, but since Frosty is the product of magical Christmas Snow, that implies he has come to life in the past, because Christmas snow is eternal, or something. He's come to life in the past and he will come to life again and he does not need a stolen hat to do it. The hat isn’t what makes Frosty come to life, which is, like, "the point," I guess, but that also means that they should just give poor Professor Hinkle his hat back because, unlike Frosty, Professor Hinkle is actually trying to make a damn living.

    8. He fucking loves juggling.


    "I mean - I can make words. I can move... I can juggle... I can sweep... and I can count to ten." Sorry - why is juggling the THIRD thing he thinks of? He values juggling slightly less than being able to SPEAK A LANGUAGE and being MOBILE, both of which are gifts and are pretty fucking weird for a snowman. So he says he doesn't know how to count, but he knows how to juggle. Who in the hell likes juggling this much. I also do not understand how this is a gift bestowed upon a snowman. Juggling is not a winter activity. I don't understand. Goddammit, Frosty.

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