10 Things To Fake You Care About March Madness

You personally don't give a F about March Madness. But you're tired of explaining why it doesn't matter. We've got your back with these 10 facts to feign interest for the next few weeks.

1. Wait...Gonzaga is not an STD?!

Via gph.is

Bo McHughgle from urbandictionary.com defines Gonzaga as "The sickest school ever located in DC. The men are super good-looking and are hated upon by guys from other schools because they cant get girls from their own school because they sweat gonzaga so hard." Ummmmm.... no thanks.

The gist: They're one of the final four teams in March Madness, along with Oregon and the Carolinas (North and South).

2. What exactly do they win? A medal? A cup? A green jacket, #amiright?

Getty Images / Via 518sports.com

It's a wooden trophy. What a let down.

3. What is all this bracket talk? It's not about these things [ ].

CBS Sports / Via landof10.com

It's this big spider-y looking thing people fill out at the beginning to predict which team is going to win. People create betting pools and if you win, you get moolah $.

4. To add to the madness, the final game is on April 3rd. So it's really Marpril Madness.

Meme Generator / Via cdn.meme.am

Brace yourself. The end is close.

5. Everyone is secretly (and smugly) happy that Duke lost, unless you're this kid...

ESPN / Via maryland.247sports.com

Feel free to gloat when people bring up Duke.

6. Don't mess with New Orleans. They will choke you.

CBS / Via bleacherreport.com

Picture This: It's the first game of March Madness: New Orleans vs. Mount Saint Mary's (read: Mardi Gras vs. Who cares). The game is getting heated and a fight breaks out. Oh wait... It's New Orleans vs. New Orleans.

Sh!t got real. Oh and they lost by 1 point.

Lesson Here: Thy shall not choke out your own teammate.

7. When your friend won't shut up about their team losing

CBS / Via imgur.com

Let them know you're playing the world's smallest piccolo for them.

8. What about the fairer sex?

NCAA / Via ncaa.com

While everyone is blabbing on about men's basketball, UConn women's NCAA basketball team is low-key crushing life with a record 110-game win streak. How you like dem apples?

9. Mic Drop Moment: Scare people with *math*

FiveThirtyEight / Via fivethirtyeight.com

If anyone asks who you're rooting for, casually mention that Gonzaga has a high Elo (pronounced ee-low) and Composite score. FiveThirtyEight predicts they are the winner, but you don't trust their underlying assumptions and think its UNC based on your own model. *Flip hair and walk away*

10. If all this went over your head...

Author Unknown / Via imgur.com

March Madness is when millions of people paint themselves different colors and scream about a bunch of college kids who dribble an orange ball around.

Congrats, you're a pro now.