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The Alcoholic Pinapple

Why was it that my pineapple tasted like wine? Did the Gods above want to show me a little extra lovin’, striking my pineapple with wine flavors in the night? Or was there something even funkier going on with this ‘napple?

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Today I had the Best. Pineapple. Of. My. Life.

This might not seem like that big of a deal to some of you out there, but it really transformed this broke & budgeting girl’s morning.

As I cut into the pineapple, I couldn’t help but notice it’s incredibly golden flesh. Damn…. If this pineapple were a human, it would have one hell of a tan! #goldenglow

In the midst of cutting this beauty, I decided I had better have a sample (just to make sure it wasn’t poisonous?) before putting it in the fridge to chill. AND HOLY HECKA Y’ALL! This pineapple was so dang sweet and…. Was that an acidic flavor I was detecting? I took a few more bites and came to this beautiful conclusion: My pineapple tasted like one superb glass of wine. I was defiantly not going to be one to complain about something so lovely! I decided not to question it. Instead, I relished in the beauty that is tasting wine first thing in the morning (and having it be in a completely socially acceptable form).

I made a beautiful batch of pineapple pancakes (it might sound a little strange… but these babies were HEAVELY!), lathered them in honey, and poured some peppermint tea, eating a few more chunks of wine flavored-pineapple in the process!

I took my breakfast of glory to the balcony and curled up with my tea and a new post from one of my favorite blogs and y’all! I don’t know if I have ever enjoyed a morning (or batch of pancakes so much). And that is saying something - mornings are prime real estate in Jenna-Land and pancakes one of my all time favorite food groups.

When lunch time arrived, I expectedly enjoyed a side of pineapple with my PB&J. Although the pineapple tasted just as fabulous as it did in the morning (how lovely to experience the taste of wine twice before 1pm), I couldn’t help my suspicions from arising.

Why was it that my pineapple tasted like wine? Did the Gods above want to show me a little extra lovin’, striking my pineapple with wine flavors in the night? Or was there something even funkier going on with this ‘napple?

I turned to where I go for all of the strange questions I would think twice before asking a real human bean: The all knowing being that is Google.

Google did not leave me wandering aimless for much longer. As I began to type “Why does my pineapple taste like”, one of the first suggestions was “wine”. What in the world?? I was not alone in this?? Others too have experienced the phenomenon that is wine flavored pineapple? Thanks the Gods!

After clicking on many links, I came to the conclusion that I had a fermenting pineapple on my hands. I also came to the knowledge that fermenting is just a really nice word for rotting. (Kind of like when we say “I’m fine!” but we really mean “I am in the shower crying and simultaneously singing along to The Backstreet Boys. Come in your PJs, armed with best comedy you have, a pint of ice cream, and a listening ear on the double!”

Naturally, I felt betrayed, as any human bean would if their pineapple tricked them into thinking they were a friend when really they were nothing but a foe. I mean, really! This pineapple and I had enjoyed a really lovely morning together and I honestly thought that he was different. Curse that little trickster!

….Or maybe not??

Wine is made from fermenting grapes, and my tummy is a-okay after a glass or two of that lovely liquid! Maybe it is the same with pineapple? With this thought in mind, I may or may not have enjoyed a few more chunks. I mean who was I to judge the little guy?

A couple hours later, I can now say with surety that “fermenting” pineapple is not in fact the same as a glass of wine. I will not go into the details of the breakup, but will simply say this: If it tastes like wine and it is wine, enjoy the crap out of that good stuff! If not, steer clear my friends. Steer clear!

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