20 Things You Won’t Need To Survive The Zombie Apocalypse

Modern society consumes a lot of products. Unfortunately, almost none of them are going to help you survive the impending zombie apocalypse. The Walking Dead, Sundays 9/8c! So remember: the fight for survival will not come down to these items you can or once could buy on the Internet. You won’t be needing…

1. This wine-glass holder necklace.

2. These “walking on grass” flip-flops.

3. This pager you bought so you could always find your beer.

4. This literal box of laughs.

5. This hair-growing helmet.

6. This waterproof pool table.

7. Finger plates.

8. This runny nose soap dispenser.

9. This lock for your ice cream.

10. This hot tub… boat.

11. This shirt that has sweat stains built in for some reason.

12. This bullet-proof clipboard.

OK so there’s a slight chance that MIGHT come in handy.

13. This snuggle strap “tiddy bear.”

14. This “man candle.”

15. These picnic pants.

16. These fine china “brass” knuckles.

17. This edible food spray.

18. This Play-Doh scented cologne.

19. This DIY gastric bypass kit.

20. And this brain hat. It might keep you warm, but overall, it’s probably not a good idea to hightlight the fact THAT YOU HAVE A BRAIN IN THERE. IT’S LIKE A DRIVE-THRU TACO BELL SIGN TO THEM.

Looks like this guy should have spent a little less on sandals with grass on the them.

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