I had always thought the guy should make the first move before I introduced myself to Carlos. For so long, I had seen my four older sisters get asked out by guys and had the assumption that it was the role of the man to take charge. However, it all changed my first year in college when I saw Carlos around campus. I remember seeing his big blue eyes from a table across from mine in the quad on club day. Several times I had thought we made eye contact and I wanted so badly to get up and talk to him, but I had no idea who he was. I didn’t know his name nor did I share any classes with him. Carlos was just the hot guy I had seen around campus. There were so many instances where I had daydreamed of how I would introduce myself to him, but would ultimately let it go, cringing at the thought of how creepy I’d look. Then, one day I was browsing my school’s facebook page and saw a photo of the school’s tennis team. Carlos was in the photo. I was beyond ecstatic, but at the same time I had felt so creepy for finding hi
I had always thought the guy should make the first move before I introduced myself to Carlos. For so long, I had seen my four older sisters get asked out by guys and had the assumption that it was the role of the man to take charge. However, it all changed my first year in college when I saw Carlos around campus. I remember seeing his big blue eyes from a table across from mine in the quad on club day. Several times I had thought we made eye contact and I wanted so badly to get up and talk to him, but I had no idea who he was. I didn’t know his name nor did I share any classes with him. Carlos was just the hot guy I had seen around campus. There were so many instances where I had daydreamed of how I would introduce myself to him, but would ultimately let it go, cringing at the thought of how creepy I’d look. Then, one day I was browsing my school’s facebook page and saw a photo of the school’s tennis team. Carlos was in the photo. I was beyond ecstatic, but at the same time I had felt so creepy for finding him. But then I thought, why is it that random guys can message me on facebook, but I somehow can’t? Why is it that I wait for the XY chromosome to take charge and ask me out first? Why don’t I be the feminist that I often call myself and make the first move? Although I wanted to introduce myself to Carlos in person, I decided to take the safer route and added him on facebook first. He quickly accepted, liked my cover photo and gave me the ok to message him. I thought I was out of my mind for messaging him, but I had to remind myself that life is short and I didn’t want to have any regrets. The message ended up being something like this, “Hey there! I see you around campus a lot. I haven’t had a chance to introduce myself to you in person yet, but I’m Joanne!” He asked me out to coffee and the rest is history.
I soon found out that Carlos was from Spain and he was going to go back home at the end of the 2013 school year. After getting to know him for six months, I was hooked. We had only casually dated and hooked up, but I wanted so much more. I was surprised by my own lingering infatuation with him. I had been so used to dating a guy and quickly getting over him, but Carlos was different. I remember the night before he was leaving I had asked him if I was just the girl he had sex with. I already knew the answer, but hearing it out loud broke me. He answered yes, but that I was also more than that. I didn’t think there was a chance between us. I didn’t think there’d be a romantic ever after like in the movies. I left post-it notes in his suitcase before he left. On one of the post-its I had written all the first-things he was for me including my first love. I felt pathetic after he left. I doubted I’d ever see him again and thought he’d just be another fling, another vacation, another hookup. As soon as his first layover came, he messaged me. He sent me a photo of a packet of gum that we had bonded over. Simple, but it gave me closure. Okay, so he didn’t start ignoring me yet...what are we? I remember trying to casually bring up other girls. I had texted something along the lines of “hope you meet some new girls in Valencia!” But that made him turned off and he replied he wasn’t looking for that just yet. I wasn’t sure what I had wanted. In my mind I knew a long distance relationship could never last. They always end. They always do. The day after Carlos left, my only brother Vince had passed away. I was doubly heart broken. I didn’t think it could be possible to lose two men in my life so quickly. I’m not sure if it was out of pity that Carlos continued to message me everyday after getting back to Spain or because he genuinely missed me, but either way it kept our relationship alive. Me as a romantic I had hope. I believed that we would be seeing each other again.
After hundreds of good morning and goodnight texts, and countless skype calls, I booked my first flight ever to Europe. From San Francisco, California to Valencia, Spain. I waited ten months till I saw Carlos again. I wanted to know if our chemistry would still be there or if I was over him. I thought I was crazy to fly more than 6,000 miles to see someone that wasn’t a for sure thing. We hadn’t said “I love you” nor did we make anything official or exclusive. I was taking a risk, an adventure, I was living my romantic dreams. I bought my flight in January 2014 for an April departure. I was going to stay there for a little over three weeks during Spring break. We weren’t seeing anyone else. We didn’t kiss or have sex with anyone for the ten months apart. Carlos didn’t have an easy time meeting people in Spain and I didn’t have an easy time after he left and my brother passed. We would send each other snaps daily of intimate selfies and we would schedule skype dates where we would reveal a little skin. These were things we had to do to keep the relationship alive, to make sure we wouldn’t forget each other. We had to both work hard to make it work.
Most people doubted us. Family and friends all thought I was crazy. Strangers tried to convince me otherwise, but I was in love. I was willing to wait. I had other guys ask me out, other guys who showed they wanted me, but after waiting for ten months, I knew I had something real. It’s odd because most people believe that if you aren’t together in person then the relationship isn’t real, but I found our distance made our communication stronger. We had conversations that would last three hours. We were able to build this trust where we were comfortable enough to express our deepest fears, our fantasies, our sexual desires. Not everyone can do a long distance relationship because it really isn’t for everyone, but if it is you’ll know it’s so worth it.
I’m an absolute romantic at heart. I love the chase, I love the unknown and I love to love. I believe in fate, I believe in destiny, but I also believe that you have the power to control your love life. Some people give up when distance comes into the picture, but if you believe someone is worth the distance, you can put in the work and make sure that relationship only grows stronger. It was my first trip alone out of the country. I wasn’t even sure if Carlos loved me back, but I took the risk to find out. He waited for me at the airport with chocolates and after having not seen him for ten months I quickly remembered why I was waiting. I kissed him instantaneously and felt the same rush of butterflies in my stomach as I had when he first accepted my friend request.
It’s hard being apart, but the months awaiting your trip and then finally seeing the one you love in person is like no other feeling in this world. It’s like being 18 every single time again or like having your first kiss. Within that trip I told Carlos I was in love with him. He was hesitant at first and didn’t say it back until the next few days. He didn’t know how to feel because of the distance. But I reminded him that it had already been almost two years since I had first added him on Facebook. I reminded him about how fast time goes. I wasn’t trying to pressure him into a relationship, but I let him know that distance could wait. By the end of the trip, he took a risk too and we became official.
Some people think that a long distance relationship can only survive if you’re rich, but Carlos and I both are not made out of money. He wasn’t working when we first dated. I had part time jobs, but only had a little sum saved up. We were both full time students, but we both wanted it to work. I had to give up some time and money for it to work and that’s what you have to do in a relationship, you have to make sacrifices.
I transferred to UCLA and studied abroad for eight months to see more of Europe, travel and of course to be closer to the love of my life, Carlos. It wasn’t easy saying goodbye after living in Spain and spending a whole summer in his hometown with his family, but I had to remind myself he’d be in California with me soon enough. It definitely takes two to make a long distance relationship work. If Carlos wasn’t passionate and in love with me he would not make an effort to skype call me daily and text me. Our communication is strong because we both thought we were worth each other’s time. We keep the romance alive by sending each other gifts in the mail, surprise visits and plenty of “I love you’s” being said. Last year, I surprised Carlos by not telling him I was going to visit him in England and kept it a secret for six months! I reached out to his roommates and they helped me surprise him in his apartment. Carlos still gives me flowers and chocolates every time he sees me. This past summer we did the unthinkable for someone in his/her early twenties- we got married. Although I am young, I know one thing’s for sure that my love for Carlos can go the distance. Our love is a team effort and it’s one that has to be embraced and nurtured every single day. Right now we’re waiting for his green card, but this is how we survived a long distance relationship.
Share This Article
