Get ready, because you're about to learn the secrets of truly living well.
And thank fucking god for that, because I seriously didn't know how I was going to keep on going the way that I have been before I read the 70—70—tweets that make up Eat, Pray, Limp: The Wes Borland Guide To Love, Laughter, And Life.
For real, though? A lot of what he tweeted is useful/relatable in the bland way that horoscopes can be. It's weirdly soothing to be told things like this, albeit by a man who is creatively partnered with Fred Durst:
27. If you really want to get that fucking couch up those fucking stairs, you can do it.
Wes Borland
@wesborland
27. If you really want to get that fucking couch up those fucking stairs, you can do it.
25. Don't let age, sex, race, income level, or geographic location influence who you think you are. You're better than that.
Wes Borland
@wesborland
25. Don't let age, sex, race, income level, or geographic location influence who you think you are. You're better than that.
66. A good leader delegates responsibility to others. Micromanaging those being led crushes their spirits and weakens their loyalty.
Wes Borland
@wesborland
66. A good leader delegates responsibility to others. Micromanaging those being led crushes their spirits and weakens their loyalty.
(Okay, so it's sort of hard not to find these totally charming, no matter how ridiculous they are.)
70. Avoid engaging in serious discussions with adults over 30 about conspiracy theories.
Wes Borland
@wesborland
70. Avoid engaging in serious discussions with adults over 30 about conspiracy theories.
19. Men should lose the flip flops in restaurants. C'mon guys. We're trying to eat here.
Wes Borland
@wesborland
19. Men should lose the flip flops in restaurants. C'mon guys. We're trying to eat here.
And sometimes his advice is even useful, if a little gross.
5. Try using a bobby pin to clean your ears instead of a q-tip. Use the loop end and carefully scrape out the bad stuff.
Wes Borland
@wesborland
5. Try using a bobby pin to clean your ears instead of a q-tip. Use the loop end and carefully scrape out the bad stuff.
67. Carbonic acid attacks tooth enamel. All carbonated drinks contain it. Even sparkling water. Beware.
Wes Borland
@wesborland
67. Carbonic acid attacks tooth enamel. All carbonated drinks contain it. Even sparkling water. Beware.
Oh, no. Do I have a crush on Wes Borland after reading these?
21. Tell him/her you love them in a new and creative way. It'll mean more. Sometimes a surprise sandwich works.
Wes Borland
@wesborland
21. Tell him/her you love them in a new and creative way. It'll mean more. Sometimes a surprise sandwich works.