BEHOLD, the most terrifying salad on Earth.
WHYYYYYYYYYY does this exist?!!!??
*question posed as 1/3 whine, 1/3 joyful exclamation, 1/3 miserable whimper*
Because.
Once upon a time, I was a vegetable-hating teenage stoner with a simple, red-eyed passion:
There was just so much chocolate in the world. I needed to find a way to eat all of it, all at once, forever.
OK SO: First, gather these finest of ingredients.
You want at least one representative candy from the following categories: pretzel, peanut butter, peanut, caramel, nougat, cookie, crunch. You're also going to need chocolate syrup, a big-ass bowl, a mixing spoon, a cutting board, and a knife.
NO FRUIT CANDY! What are you, some kind of health nut or something?
First, add everything that's already small enough to eat with a spoon.
This will include, like, your M&Ms and Milk Duds.
Then add your first layer of chocolate syrup. You can't have salad without dressing, right?
The syrup acts as a binding agent, so that everything sticks DELICIOUSLY together.
Next, strip down your wrapped candy so you can cut it up.
But not before taking a second to pile it all together and feel like the King Midas of candy.
Chop any candy that's larger than your thumb into small pieces so it will fit into a spoon.
Candy cross sections are LUSCIOUS.
After every few layers, add more chocolate syrup and stir, scooping up from the bottom to evenly distribute your candy.
Garnish with M&Ms for color.
*drools on own keyboard*
To serve, you can leave it in its birthplace to be scooped into bowls or mugs...
I want to live inside this thing.
...or get fancy with it!
In closing, I'd like to say both "I'm sorry" and "You're welcome."
Candy Salad
This is a miracle in a bowl. Bring it to a party and you will INSTANTLY become the most popular person in the room.
INGREDIENTS
Small candies
Reese's Pieces
Milk Duds
Pretzel M&Ms
Rolos
Chocolate-covered peanuts
Candy bars
(You can buy minis or full-size bars; you'll need to chop them into smaller pieces either way.)
Twix
Snickers
Nestle Crunch
Reese's Peanut Butter Cups
Kit Kats
Garnish
Regular M&Ms
Peanut M&Ms
Chocolate sauce
PREPARATION
Put all the small candies in first. Top with chocolate sauce. Chop any candy bars into small pieces that would fit into a spoon. Add chocolate syrup every few layers, mix it up. Garnish with M&Ms and more sauce. Eat with wild abandon.