“Oh, you’re into heavy metal?”
I asked her, seeing “Slayer” splayed across her chest “No, this is just a shirt I got at Forever 21. Who actually listens to heavy metal?” She said, scoffing at the notion of the genre. “I do…” I thought, but I kept quiet.
Externally, I wouldn’t seem like someone who blasts Bloody Sabbath in the shower. I don’t have the stereotypically unkempt hair, dark clothes, or heavy eyeliner. Currently, I’m wearing grey leggings, a fuzzy sweater, and worn-down flip-flops. I seem much more in place at a prep school than a Babymetal concert. In every sense of the word, I conform.
Due to my heavy involvement in the literary and academic space, my identity as a “metalhead” went covered by pages and pages of Michel Foucault and Judith Butler. As I continued to delve into the ideas of these thinkers, I began to see connections between their literary works and my beloved genre.
Just as metal’s message of societal rejection and power encourages metalheads to embrace our full selves and empowers listeners, Foucault’s idea of the Panopticon defines the constrictive society requiring rebellion portrayed in hundreds of metal songs. A quick Spotify search for “Panopticon” yields dozens of results. Most notably the album “Panopticon” by the band ISIS which invokes direct influences from the ideas of Foucault. Even the liner notes of the album include a critique of the developing “surveillance state” in society including quotes from notable futurists such as Alex Steffen. For ISIS, the symbol of the panopticon was a way to reflect on the the Bush administration and mass state surveillance. For me, it was clear that there was a space for academic involvement in the unlikely world of heavy metal.
In addition to the space I saw for intellectual thought within heavy metal, I saw myself develop in relation to the music. Metal’s message of empowerment and fearlessness applied to an uncanny aspect of my life: scientific research. I found myself able to be free and fearless in my research environment, and more able to explore new ideas and new methods of experimental design as a result of the messages I absorbed from aggressive music. As Patti Smith, one of the most famous female punk singers of her time, once said: “Punk rock is the freedom to create, freedom to be successful, freedom to not be successful, freedom to be who you are. It's freedom”. These words rang true to me as I began to approach my scientific and humanities research careers with a new sense of freedom and confidence.
I continued to analyze the connections I saw between metal and academia, and looked into the influential ideas of Judith Butler. As a woman interested in metal, I felt that my gender influenced my perceptions of the music. I began to become interested in the Queercore movement. My personal feminist ideologies and love for aggressive music lead me to Riot Grrrl, an underground feminist-punk scene and a haven for female support and empowerment. I traced these culture’s traditions of both embracing femininity and iconoclastically destroying symbols of gender signifiers. In these movements, I could see the influences of Butler’s ideas of performative gender. The Queercore and Riot Grrrl communities embraced both aggressive music and the rejection of societal standards of a defined gender, much like Judith Butler’s philosophy that gender is inherently a fluid identity.
Just as metal and aggressive music encouraged me to be more confident as a scientific researcher and an academic, I also felt a sense of security from heavy metal. The Queercore and Riot Grrrl movements, in addition to their intellectual roots, encouraged me to feel a closer sense of community with women. I felt more secure in my own sexuality and gender identity, and I want to use the security I derived from these fringe communities to empower other women through gynecologic education and women’s rights advocacy. As a result, my involvement in heavy metal and aggressive music has shaped my interests in women’s and gender studies, the humanities, and fundamental science.
In a world where metal and punk are commodified into shirts sold at Forever 21 and hardcore metal culture is surprisingly still ostracised, it can be difficult to embrace the lifestyle. However, metal, punk, and other forms of aggressive music aren’t ‘freakish’ forms of music. Despite the efforts of bands such as Queensryche or Megadeath to create more political music, metal’s place on the fringes of accepted music was cemented. Though metal has an uncanny and under-appreciated presence in our culture, it has shaped me into the person I am today and will continue to shape our society moving forward.
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