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An Open Letter To The Fake Account That Followed Me On Instagram

For the record, I would have clicked the notification all over again... even if I knew it would end like this

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I am writing this letter because I forgive you. I sincerely hope you are happy with whoever you follow in the future. The truth is, I’m thankful for you, and this is why.

It was a routine Wednesday evening and I could smell the breath of the man across from me as I tightly grasped the subway pole. Disgusting, I thought, as the subway approached 125th avenue; a rare above-ground station in Manhattan!

It had been a terrible day and I was finally headed home from work. The lack of cellular reception on the subway was a bummer, but I had two minutes of respite. Do I check Facebook, Instagram, or Whatsapp? Do I swipe on Tinder, upvote a Quora answer, or scroll through Twitter? There were so many options, and not enough time.

    I could have wasted those two minutes vacillating over what medium to check, but I’m no dummy. I stuck with Instagram.

    Upon opening the application, multiple notifications immediately popped up. A healthy 12 likes, a respectable 2 comments, and... ONE NEW FOLLOWER!!! A surge of euphoria rushed to my brain. Out of the 400 million + accounts, someone wanted to follow me! The day was saved.

    With glee, I clicked on the notification. You will not believe what happened next! The account was fraudulent. The bio promised I could make thousands of dollars flipping money and the pictures featured thick wads of cash. I was devastated.

I am writing this letter to you @LiveTheGoodLifeToday because as much as you hurt me and made me feel small and meaningless, I’m not fucking angry! You may have broken me and destroyed my self esteem, but I refuse to get emotional because of a pathetic loser like you! Did you catch that or not?


I no longer feel any pain even though you’re a soul sucking parasite. If you think you hurt me, you are dead wrong! I am stronger than I was before! I have that pleasant memory with you and I still remember you that way. However, forgiveness outweighs pain – and I no longer feel a thing mother fucker!

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