10 Reasons Winter Is Literally The Worst.

Let's face it. Winter is awful. Here are the 10 reasons why winter is literally the worst thing ever.

10. Super Sweaty Commute.

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You've dressed for the cold, which means taking the ridiculously heated and packed transit with all your layers instantly turns your commute into a Streetcar Named Perspire.

9. Walking The Dog.

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Getting ready to take the dog for a walk is like bundling for a trek through the Andes. You actually leave goodbye letters for your loved ones just in case you don't make it back.

Oh, and you have to hunt for your dog's steaming piles of crap in the snow while it pulls on the leash to go back inside even though those lucky bitches are always wearing fur.

8. Wind Chill.

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Sure, the weather app says it’s only -8 degrees Celsius out but with the wind it feels like -56. And because Mother Nature is a cruel bitch, no matter what direction you walk the wind always blows directly in your face.

7. Slush.

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If you live in the city, any fresh snowfall quickly turns to super salty slush pools that will ruin any pair of boots you have on, no matter how many times you’ve sprayed them with that shitty weather protector.

6. Skiers And Snowboarders.

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You know these types. At the first drop of snow they start grinning like shit eating cats. We get it. You LOVE winter. Now go to the hills and stay there.

5. Gravity And Ice.

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I fall at least twice every winter. Black ice, blue ice, slush, all of the above…I am going to take at least two hard falls directly onto my tail bone and usually in front of many spectators for extra humiliation.

Try spending all of February carrying around an inflatable donut pillow for your bruised ass and ego.

4. Driving.

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Driving anywhere in the winter just sucks. It’s either slow and tedious, or fast and super-ass slippery. Not to mention all the driveway shovelling, the car brushing and the windshield scraping.

Oh and everyone forgets how to drive, so the roads are like that first time you went to the Bumper Cars and got stuck in the corner while getting incessantly rammed from behind by that no-good bitch, Shelly.

3. School Bus Cancellations.

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If you’re a kid, this is the best thing ever. If you are a parent, you now have 27 minutes to find a babysitter. Good luck with that. Your stress is mixed with pure envy as you see the glee in your children's faces at getting to stay home, those lucky little bastards.

2. Having A Beard.

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You may think having a beard makes you look distinguished. Nope. Not in the winter.

That beard will be covered in ice and your moustache will be so disgustingly wet from condensation that you avoid making eye contact with people so they don’t see the hideous creature you've become.

This causes you to develop low self esteem, carrying your head low until one day you walk face first into a telephone pole as people point and laugh in your hideous direction.

1. It Lasts Forever.

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And finally, winter lasts for f*cking ever. With summer, you get a solid three months of nice, hot, beach weather. Winter? It’s like 6 months of absolute torture.

From November to April you are basically a prisoner to Mother Nature, forced to spend your time running from one piece of sh*t building to the next until one day your doctor tells you that your vitamin D levels are dangerously low and you have a bad case of the rickets.

So...who is up for moving to Hawaii?