“I once thought about this tree during sex and how exactly its roots could get through concrete. No idea why.”
Like a Candle in the Sack
“Was Princess Di's death an accident? What are the origins of the word 'paparazzi'?”
“While nervous one time, my stupid brain went out of its way to screw me up and immediately went, ‘HEY, REMEMBER GRANDMA? HAHA WHAT ABOUT GRANDMA?’”
Putting the Bones in Boning
“I've thought about how we are really two skeletons having sex with each other and that death is inevitable. It was hot.”
Err on the Side of Caution
“Once when my girlfriend and I were having sex, basically thinking out loud, I asked her what our safe word should be if things started getting too rough.
"She thought for a second and said, ‘I'm passing out’.”
Ommmm...What Was That?
"The more spanking we do, the more the neighbours can't hear their loud-ass meditation video. It's all about having goals.”
If the Bed's A-Rockin', It Might Break Again
"When is the last time I washed these sheets?"
"It would be really weird if air weren't clear."
"What time do I have to wake up tomorrow?"
"It must have been terrifying when the very first carnivore decided to eat another animal."
"If I turn on Netflix after this, is it gonna go to the start screen of that serial killer movie I fell asleep to last night, and will that be weird?"
"Dear bed: Please don't break again please don't break again please don't break again."
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Sex-Havers
“Is that stack of self-help books a red flag?”
LOL for Teacher
“I think about how my sixth-grade health teacher kept saying ‘penis’ over and over again to make our class stop laughing at the word. It didn't work, and I'll never stop laughing, Mrs Wills.”