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Which Classic William Suitt Character Are You?

William Suitt has played some memorable characters over his short but widely-celebrated lifetime. In his remembrance, please take this important personality quiz to see which classic character portrayed by William Suitt you are.

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  1. 1. You are at a party. What do you do?

    Run to the pool!
    Exchange family recipes.
    Search for a dark corner to hide in.
    Try to sell some garbage.
    Enjoy a beer and mingle.
    Hang out in the bathroom.
    Take a hostage.
  2. 2. Your dream job would be:

    The Pope
    5 star chef
    Revered warrior-knight
    CEO of a major company
    Movie star
    Master sign spinner
    Ryan Gosling
  3. 3. You generally identify as:

    Heterosexual.
    Homosexual.
    Bisexual.
    Asexual.
    Pansexual.
    Just here to have some fun.
    A murderer.
  4. 4. Select your favorite subgenre of science fiction:

    Cyberpunk
    Science fantasy
    Space opera
    Gothic
    Space western
    Biopunk
    Afrofuturism
  5. 5. You discover a bomb in a crowded market. What do you do?

    Run.
    Attempt to clear everyone away from the area.
    Alert authorities.
    Attempt to disarm the bomb.
    Jump atop the bomb, sacrificing yourself for the greater good.
    Use racial profiling to start looking around for someone who may have the trigger.
    Continue about your day, it is someone else's problem.
  6. 6. Do you think Space is cool?

    Space is cool but we should be focusing on learning more about earth.
    We need to do more to explore space and discover the vast mysteries of the universe.
    Exploring space is an affront to God, the creator of this divine earth He gifted to us.
    I would like to become an astronaut and save the earth like Bruce Willis.
    The earth is flat and space is actually a huge, painted tarp.
    Space is irrelevant because I will never live to see the benefits of deep space exploration.
    There is no God, there is only the Cosmos, the vast threads of the Universe which bind us all, and offer us eternal wisdom if only we dare to seek it.
  7. 7. Which of these statements do you identify with most?

    If stopped by the sudden appearance of a pool genie I would violently drop the abundant bouquet of pool noodles I happen to be holding.
    The flesh on my face no longer adheres properly to my bones.
    I once strangled a man using a VHS tape.
    I definitely do not own a secondhand van repainted to look like an ice cream van which I do not use to kidnap young children.
    Every day I think about consuming a delicious mulchburger.
    My thyroid gland is weak.
    Time travel is bad and should not be exercised or attempted.

Which Classic William Suitt Character Are You?

You got: Ringo

You are likable, but easy to anger. Your short fuse has gotten you into some less than ideal situations. You have a tendency to tackle problems with the wrong solution, and are generally unlucky and left feeling overwhelmed.

Ringo
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You got: Phil the Zombie

You are different from others, and find it difficult to make friends. You struggle with self-image issues and feel that life has dealt you an unfair hand. While you want to root for the success of others, you find it hard to do so while each day for you is more time spent suffering.

Phil the Zombie
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You got: Emloring

While versatile in most situations, you are generally lazy and would prefer binge-watching Arrested Development to doing something productive like constructing a fence with your bare hands. At the end of the day you may have completed most of your responsibilities, but spent the entire time complaining about them.

Emloring
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You got: The Mulchburgers Man

Not much is known about you, but you make a mean mulchburger.

The Mulchburgers Man
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You got: Father O'Malley

When you enter a room, eerie music plays and an aura of discomfort sweeps across everyone. You spend a lot of time indoors and could use a tan, as well as some personal hygiene lessons. You often think about how easy it would be to murder a small child and probably would if guaranteed you could get away with it.

Father O'Malley
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You got: Detective William

Your determined qualities are overshadowed by your clumsiness and all-around incompetency. You never lack spirit, but always lack intelligence. Your boss only keeps you around out of pity. When faced with a personal problem, you like to tackle it head-on, which usually ends with you in the hospital.

Detective William
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You got: Careless Swimmer

You often run at the local pool, which is a huge no-no. In your free time you enjoy browsing Pinterest and stealing other people's leftovers. You voted for a third-party candidate in the 2012 election to "send a message."

Careless Swimmer
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