You read that right folks! Following a recent incident that left double-double patrons leaving what would be considered “crime scenes” in public restrooms across Ontario— Tim Hortons has made the executive decision to discontinue their coffee altogether, beginning later this year.
At this time, the nationally-beloved chain has declined our request for an interview but has responded with the comment, "This move came out of the utmost necessity due to this sh*tty situation. We had to make some calls for the health of our employees… and for the overall air quality of Canada.”
It's believed that the final straw was when the current CEO entered Timbit HQ on Monday with an Iced Capp (yes, they got it for free) and “walked past everyone, locked themself in the bathroom, and immediately clogged three toilets for the eighth time this week".
Matched with the influx of Tims customers clogging toilets nationwide and “stinking up the place”, it seems the company’s hands were tied. One employee, who requested his identity remains hidden, named Parker Smith at the Bay Street Tim Hortons in Toronto told us, “It’s an explosive decision made by corporate… but I think it’s the right choice. We’ll still sell donuts though”
And if you think that all sounds like a joke, it's because it is. Happy April Fools Day!
