We like vodka. We like milk. So why does the idea of milk-infused vodka freak us out? We decided to get brave and taste some of the weirdest vodka infusions we could think of (for the greater benefit of mankind, obvi). And if we end up loving vodka infused with mushrooms, we can live with that truth.
Our only rule for choosing the infusions was that they had to be something that we wouldn’t want to order at a bar. We couldn’t include things that sound pleasant like lavender-infused vodka because this taste test isn’t about pleasant — it’s about fearless experimentation. It’s about bravery in the pursuit of truth. IT’S ABOUT PUSHING OURSELVES TO OUR VERY LIMITS.
(K, fine, it’s mostly about you watching us taste weird stuff and make dumb faces.)
The infusions we ended up choosing were bacon, turmeric, porcini mushrooms, caramel corn, and milk. We used these basic rules for infusing as our guide and went to town.
Some of them looked pretty suspect throughout the process TBH (see below), but by that point there was no turning back. RIP.
Our intrepid recruits — Mike, Hannah, Denise, Farryn, and Jeff — gathered on a bright Thursday morning, willing to sacrifice their taste buds for the greater good. Here are their thoughts:
Denise, Farryn, and Jeff:
Farryn: OK. OK. OK. That is…interesting. Very interesting. I’m going to go back in for a second one… OK. Nope. That I don’t like.
Denise: Can I just put it on my neck so I smell like bacon?
Farryn: Actually, just kidding, it’s growing on me. That’s really bacon-y. I’ll try it one more time — third time’s the charm.
Jeff: No. There is no third time. No. I can’t believe it took me that long to figure out I don’t like it.
Farryn: I feel like that would be good in a Bloody Mary.
Jeff: OK, fine, I can see that.
Mike and Hannah:
Hannah: ...Are you ready for this?
Mike: Yeah! Let’s do it!
Hannah: Cheers.
Mike: Honestly...it’s pretty good!
Hannah: Yeah! At first I don't get the bacon, but then it kinda sneaks up on you. I think it would work really well in a Bloody Mary.
Mike: I would have this with breakfast. With like, eggs.
Mike and Hannah:
Hannah: So since there’s turmeric in this, I’m going to consider it a wellness shot. It’s basically like a cleanse and a shot at the same time. Sold.
Mike: Very, very good.
Hannah: I think it would go super well with lime. It’s really refreshing!
Mike: I would have that with like a ginger shot. It’s almost healthy. I would do it again.
Denise, Farryn, and Jeff:
Jeff: Well, it smells good.
Farryn: Oooh. That’s not bad. I don’t mind that.
Denise: I’m confused. I don’t actually…
Jeff: I don’t...uh…it’s like…hmm. You know what? I think I’m just confused because I don’t know what turmeric actually tastes like. I don’t know what that is. It’s like a root? Right?
Denise: Hey, at least it looks cool!
Mike and Hannah:
Mike: It tastes like a mushroom sauce. It’s cool.
Hannah: That one for me…yikes. And I LOVE mushrooms. Just no. It is NOT my favorite. I’m so disappointed!
Mike: It’s not my least favorite...
Hannah: OK, what WAS your least favorite?
Mike: I don’t know. FINE, I guess it is my least favorite.
Denise, Farryn, and Jeff:
Farryn: Woah. WOAH. Are you kidding me? That is wild. It actually smells really good.
Denise: Guys, this is my favorite one.
Jeff: It smells like stale dog food.
Farryn: Nope. He’s wrong.
Denise: It smells like exactly what it SHOULD smell like! Winner.
Farryn: For someone who doesn’t even like mushrooms, that’s actually pretty good.
Mike and Hannah:
Hannah: OK. I’m not going to tell you what this one is. I know what it is though.
Mike: I’d hope so. You made it! Is it the milk one?
Hannah: Nope.
Mike: Because it’s really smooth…and sweet.
Hannah: It’s actually caramel corn!
Mike: Caramel corn?!?!
Hannah: Yep, fresh corn and caramels.
Mike: I can taste the caramel…the corn, not so much. It’s pretty good!
Denise, Farryn, and Jeff:
Jeff: OK. So we’re not allowed to know what this one is?
Denise: Hmm. It’s sweet. Horchata?
Jeff: It’s like unfiltered sake?
Farryn: Rice?
Denise: Cinnamon and sugar?
Hannah: It’s caramel corn infused.
Farryn: Whaaaaat?
Denise: I don’t know about the corn part, but the caramel part I get. I like it. It’s subtle.
Farryn: THAT’S subtle? Are you kidding me?? That’s like the sweetest thing I’ve ever tasted in my life. That’s not true. But it’s a little weird tasting. In my mouth.
Jeff: The color isn’t appealing either. It’s like beige…and weirdly opaque?
Farryn: Denise, you don’t even like caramel!
Denise: I don’t. But I like this!
Denise, Farryn, and Jeff:
Jeff: Woah, what the...? This is the one I shouldn’t like… It’s so sugary!
Farryn: I could drink this whole thing. Like, right now.
Denise: It’s like lemon meringue pie.
Jeff: It’s like drinking frosting.
Farryn: I’m probably going to drink the whole thing of this one. I’m doing it. That was delicious. Sugar high coming in 4, 3, 2...1!
Jeff: This is the best out of all of them.
Mike and Hannah:
Mike: It feels like a milkshake. It’s thick.
Hannah: It is. It tastes like candy. I think if you’re in the mood for something dessert-y, you’d like this.
Mike: Oh, for sure. It’s like the equivalent of a dessert wine.
Hannah: Good call. It would be really good in a milkshake.
Mike: Yes. Boozy shakes. I’m down.
Mike: As a self-proclaimed "beer and bourbon–kinda guy," some of these infusions have made me reconsider my cocktail of choice (vodka + milk = life). While I hope to never have porcini mushroom vodka again, I realized how much fun it is to be adventurous and try new drinks that will make you feel equally as warm inside. :)
Hannah: Honestly, I thought this taste test would basically be an exercise in suppressing my gag reflex. Instead, it's made me want to be more adventurous with infusions and to try them out in some cocktails. That bacon vodka would taste UNREAL in a Bloody Mary, and the turmeric was surprisingly refreshing. I also thought it was great that people had such different preferences!
Jeff: I'm a pretty Plain Jane drinker. I like my whiskey neat and my coffee black. My body doesn't get along well with mixed drinks. While I definitely appreciated a lot of the adventure in the infusions, I'll personally just take straight vodka and sip it any day of the week because I'm a damn flavor masochist. Fancy flavors, be damned!
Denise: Mushroom-infused vodka was my ultimate fave! Turns out anyone can infuse vodka with mushrooms. So I'm gonna do it. I've been inspired. The most surprising was the milk-infused vodka. I mean, just the sound of it makes me want to vom, but it was one of my faves — like a lemon meringue pie melting in my mouth. Props for preparing that one, cuz I'm not gonna spend 10 days making that infusion. Thanks and no thanks.
Farryn: I didn't know what to expect! But I was pleasantly surprised by all the infusions. Who knew milk vodka was a thing?! But now I want it to be the ONLY thing. I am seriously considering infusing my own vodkas to take my cocktail-making to the next level! And that mushroom vodka was PULLING IT OFF! Just take all of my money, and get in my damn mouth.
Photography by Lauren Zaser. Design by Kara Mohr.